I Am So Goofy - nothing nothings a 24-hour album -- 2003-11-15 =================================================== U R So Useless (title: Zvi) Act out a role on the silver screen What kind of goal is living in dreams Lionized by critics all toothless U R so useless Ring my phone when I said do not call Just a drone in a cubicle hall Like a hangman who's nooseless U R so useless N E 1 can see U R so useless U drain my N R G Sit at a desk in an office that's round Order grotesque little bombs towards the ground Try very hard to be ruthless U R so useless Writing songs no one wants to hear Writing words no one wants to read Thinking thoughts that are meaningless I M so useless If you spot a beanstalk That leads to a giant Steal him blind, do not balk For you will find him compliant Will say, if you come back down Gooseless U R so useless U never even try U R so useless U R N so M I =================================================== G Minor Dance (title: Zvi) The dance of the G Minor The dance of the G Minor With singing so gaily Gallavanting about Everybody get together and shout! The dance of the G Minor Performed in Gretchen's Diner The men growing bolder The gravy gets cold You'd think that the glasses were gold The dance of the G Minor Is an extravagant delight No griping, or gossip, or giggling Go ahead and stay up all night! =================================================== Calculator (title: ddyte) 5/4 My calculator Is later Than it's been before My calculator Sooner or later Will even up the score 8/4 When I go to a restaurant 7/4 I save cash like an idiot savant 6/4 Some people set their watch ahead So they won't lay too long in bed I reverse this to tip my waiter Compute it on my calculator 4/4 Which cogitates for one whole day A good-sized sum, but too late to pay I don't lose at Scrabble anymore Since adding points up is such a chore I keep it simple with "cat" or "leak" My friends make plays like "zygoma" and "physique" On double-word scores; I can't do it in my head So I use my calculator instead They all claim it's me they'll whup But I don't know--it takes months to add up 4/4 How do I love thee Let me count the ways I'll have answer for you In a couple of days 5/4 I want to know when this song ends So I'm calculating how long it extends While it's adding up the sums Let's fill the time with a bit of drums =================================================== Flying Squid (title: Elsie) My mind is like a flying squid The kind of squid that flies And everything I ever did Took me many tries Obeying everything it bids May not be very wise My mind is like a flying squid The kind of squid that flies My arms are like a rubber duck The kind of duck that rubs I use them both to steer my truck Or pretend that they're both subs I move them 'round in ways that suck When I go dance in clubs My arms like a rubber duck The kind of duck that rubs My teeth are like an army brat The kind of brat that arms Oh, wait, I already talked about My arms in the last verse My heart is like a firing squad A squad that is on fire Every day I pray to god To ask for someone higher I hope that I will stay this odd Quite free from all desire My heart is like a firing squad A squad that is on fire My arms are like a rubber duck The kind of duck that rubs My mind is like a flying squid The kind of squid that flies =================================================== From Over Here (title: Adam B) Perfection is an ideal That we can ill afford But standing here with strangers Leaves me feeling cold and bored Yes, the charming lights suggest A festive atmosphere Hey! See that one? She looks pretty good From over here No Scotch for me, my eyes see only That one over there Nicely shaped and fairly tall It doesn't hurt to stare With looks I do not care What kind of fir From over here She's looking good I'm feeling pretty sure Let's take a closer look Apply the advice from this book She's looks the type who'd needle you It wouldn't matter what you'd do And from behind she's not that great Plus her posture's not that straight But it doesn't matter what you see so near Look instead at the view you get From over here Yeah, it's not the greatest To find out her rear is bare But from the front she's good enough I really do not care We'll put her in a corner and Make her face this way From over here You can see What I'm trying to say Come over here And take a look I think that you'll agree She seems to be The perfect Christmas tree She seems to be The perfect Christmas tree And he'll throw in a wreath For free =================================================== Peggy With Her Lantern (title: Elsie) Peggy with her lantern sees the writing on the wall Peggy's magic lantern will not let her take the fall Peggy's got a lantern that will help her find her way Peggy with her lantern knows she can't be led astray Peggy reached the cave at night, beating Indiana Jones Darkness shrouded many traps, and not just rolling stones Secret markings showed the path but not the hidden pit Yet nothing could be seen by eye; you'd think that that was it Peggy with her lantern sees the writing on the wall Peggy's magic lantern will not let her take the fall Peggy's got a lantern that will help her find her way Peggy with her lantern knows she can't be led astray My metaphor has shrouded much, so let me say it straight Peggy was a love of mine, of sorts, who didn't wait She knew that I would leave her soon, thinking we were cursed She knew that I would hurt her, so she left me first Peggy with her lantern saw the writing on the wall Peggy's magic lantern wouldn't let her take the fall Peggy's got a lantern that will help her find her way Peggy with her lantern has been gone since yesterday =================================================== Angst Ain't Nothing But Love Misspelled (title: Zvi) Angst ain't nothing but love misspelled Angst ain't nothing but love misspelled Love is just contentment that's swelled Contentment is just angst withheld Angst ain't nothing but love misspelled Hate ain't nothing but love you ain't found Hate ain't nothing but love you ain't found Hate is just fear unwound Fear is just concern unbound Concern is just love's first sound Hate ain't nothing but love you ain't found =================================================== Spider Diagram (title: Adam B) The fragile group dynamics Are as yet uncharted The push and pull of who's on top Change as each one has parted You could try to make a map Of enemies, lovers, friends But the warp and weave Would wiggle free From so many loose ends The structure of relationships Is hard to discern Tendrils growing frequently As each one has a turn And pulling in outsiders Our net grows slowly wider To diagram all our connections Would require a spider