Suggest a Title -- nothing nothings ======= WHAT PRECISELY IS IT THAT YOU EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE (title: Adam B) You stood me up for the second time I called you up but you were on the line I'm not sure if you'd call this dating And I won't find out unless you get call waiting I don't know where you are what's the tale At least you could have left me some voice mail You stood me up, you didn't show And I'm still waiting, I want to know If your excuse is better than your last You broke your arm but didn't have a cast A lame explanation will only make me irate So take all the time you want, but get your story straight What precisely is it that you expect me to believe? Communicate the message that you want me to receive I want to find out, I want to today Come over here and you can say What precisely it is that you expect me to believe You stood me up, without a doubt I haven't got a clue what that's about I'm sure I'll find out, not sooner, but later You wouldn't get a tip if you were my waiter I don't think I really want to find out what is true Just one lie from you is all it takes to see me through ======= TREMOLO (title: Zvi) I love my tremolo It's retro as can be I like to turn it down real slow Like waves coming from the sea If you should ever see me playing at a show You'll know my part by the tremolo I love my tremolo I stuck my name on it with a fresh glue stick I'd take it everywhere I go But it doesn't work with my acoustic I want to entertain you, I don't care friend or foe Just listen to the sound of my tremolo ======= UNDER THE SOFA (title: Zvi) You dropped it on the floor It rolled away, you don't know where But I was watching And I'll tell you if you care It's under the sofa, take a look and you will see It's under the sofa, don't blame me I don't move furniture At least not that specific one I'm not going under there Unless I've got a gun It's under the sofa, and now it's sealed it's fate It's under the sofa, it's too late It's under the sofa, it'll stay there for a year It's under the sofa, have a beer ======= THE ONLY THING I DIDN'T KNOW (title: Adam B) The only thing I didn't know Is what you wouldn't say The only thing I didn't know I still don't know today. ======= CASUAL PANTS (title: ddyte) I want to make a good impression When I go to the photography session I'll assume a rock star stance And put on my casual pants I've got nothing to do for a while So I might as well relax in style The same way I prepare for romance It involves my casual pants ======= YOU ARE UNIQUE (title: Zvi) You are unique You're all alone in your clique The highest point on the peak And I hope that your outlook is bleak You are unique A ten-billion-to-one lucky streak I don't comprehend the mystique But I know that your placement So far from the basement Qualifies you as a freak I won't speak out on your physique You are unique A snowflake who's sleeker than sleek Leave being meek for the weak Walk tall and proud through the crowd Do not sneak ======= BATHTUB BLUES: TALE OF A TUB (title: Zvi/Elsie) I've misplaced my bathtub Where did it go? I'll have to ask the math club Who else would know? I've lost my favorite Place to lie down Although I can't savor it At least I won't drown It wasn't intentional I just liked the price But I think I bought An extradimensional Transit device ======= GIRL NAMED NOTHING (title: Adam B) Her name is quite distinctive But it's not hard to translate My friends are starting to wonder why We never go out on a date I can't put into words how she makes me feel But she's a certainty I'll be glad to prove she's real Here's the curtain, see? I sit by the telephone Waiting for a call From a girl named nothing Nothing at all Saw her walking down the street Saw her leaving so discreet Saw her running all her games Saw her leaving me the blame Saw her running out of lines Saw her leaving up the blinds Saw her leaving out of breath Saw her in half ======= TWO CHICKENS A DAY (title: Emily) My friend Rob who I knew from my job Gave me the name of his shrink It was Marcus Aurelius Astralapithicus And his office sure did stink I went and expressed how I was depressed My every step filled with dismay He said "No cause for alarm, just go to a farm And pet two chickens a day" Well, I did as advised, and was kind of surprised That it gave me a pleasant demeanor But I still wasn't set, so once more we met And this time his office was cleaner I told him the fact that I was distracted My thoughts always seemed to stray "I think it's your diet; I've one, you should try it: Just eat two chickens a day." It's chickens that cluck, but if it had been duck That I would have known he was a quack I gained 80 pounds, and a doctor on rounds Blamed it for my heart attack So I went to my shrink, to show what I think When I got there, what did I note? His diploma was fake, it was more than I could take And my hands went around his throat He wasn't too pleased with how I squeezed And he expressed it to me this way: "Don't use my session to act out aggression Go kill two chickens a day--not me. Two chickens a day."