Article: 178541 of talk.bizarre Newsgroups: talk.bizarre From: gary@sci34hub.sci.com (Gary Heston) Subject: FTSD: What Really Happened... Message-ID: <1994Dec1.141646.19748@sci34hub.sci.com> Organization: SCI Systems, Inc. Date: Thu, 1 Dec 1994 14:16:46 GMT Lines: 944 Status: O This was originally written a little over a year ago, and is presented here without change. Although, the way things are going, it's still pretty relevant.... As most of you know, two deadly enemies have decided to quit fighting for a few weeks, to the point of actually signing a piece of paper. (It should make a nice target.) However, as is the case with many historic events, only a small part of the true story is revealed to the public. In actuality, things didn't go as smoothly as has been claimed; further, a major part was played by a well-known t.b regular. So, utilizing the extensive resources of x industries' intellegence gathering apparatus, field operations staff, and the orbital anvil delivery facility, we are able to reveal.... What Really Brought About the Gaza Accord (electronic mail intercept) From: fm@state.ministry.gov.il <Shimon Peres> To: arafat@tunisa.hq.plo.org Subject: Peace settlement Message-ID: <yF407.221.6A5@state.ministry.gov.il> Date: 24 Aug 93 12:23:04 GMT References: Organization: Israeli Department of State I'm tired of arguing with you, Caped Crusader. You have three days to give up, on our terms, or I'll release a secret weapon against you. Shimon Peres Foreign Minister Israel (excerpt from transcript of eavesdropping tape in PLO Hq, Tunisa, 24 Aug 93 14:06:39) Y. Arafat: "Look at this! Insults! He called me "Caped Crusader"! The scum!" Unidentified fedayhen organizer: "Well, sir, if we were as lucky as Batman and had all his gadgets..." YA: "SILENCE! I'll handle this!" (email intercept) From: exhalted_leader@tunisa.hq.plo.org <Yasir Arafat> To: fm@state.ministry.gov.il Subject: Re: Peace settlement Message-ID: <7033421.AA@tunisa.hq.plo.org> Date: 25 Aug 93 13:05:42 GMT References: Organization: Glorious Liberators Organized for Palestine Three days or three millenia, we will never yield! Allah is on our side! We will be victorious! You will be destroyed! Yasir Arafat Chief Terrorist PLO P.S. Rachkmann wanted to know if the last shipment of pistachio nuts was acceptable; could you advise before he sends the next one from Teheran? (email intercept) From: fm@state.ministry.gov.il <Shimon Peres> To: arafat@tunisa.hq.plo.org Subject: Re: Peace settlement Message-ID: <yF407.306.3B2@state.ministry.gov.il> Date: 25 Aug 93 14:41:09 GMT References: Organization: Israeli Department of State Ok, you ask for it. (The pistachios were fine.) Shimon Peres Foreign Minister Israel (email intercept) From: fm@state.ministry.gov.il <Shimon Peres> To: bonnie@netcom.com Subject: Orders Message-ID: <yF407.684.2R5@state.ministry.gov.il> Date: 29 Aug 93 15:03:24 GMT References: Organization: Israeli Department of State Roger; In the name of Israel, you are hereby called to active status. Your target is the PLO and their corrupt leader, Yasir Arafat. May Yahweh guide your steps. Shimon Peres Foreign Minister Israel (email intercept) From: bonnie@netcom.com <CARASSO> To: fm@state.ministry.gov.il Subject: Re: Orders Message-ID: <7630@netcom.com> Date: 29 Aug 93 23:49:27 GMT References: Organization: Chainsaws 'R Us PIECE O CAKE. CARASSO (internet article intercepted) From: bonnie@netcom.com <CARASSO> Newsgroups: soc.culture.arabic,soc.culture.persian,soc.culture.turkish,misc.misc,alt.moslem.wanted.men,alt.moslem.wanted.women,rec.gardens,comp.lang.c Subject: ARAFATTY Message-ID: <7642@netcom.com> Date: 30 Aug 93 00:19:36 GMT References: Followup-To: soc.culture.arabic,soc.culture.persian,soc.culture.turkish,misc.misc,misc.test,alt.moslem.wanted.men,alt.moslem.wanted.women,rec.gardens,comp.lang.c Organization: Chainsaws 'R Us YASIR ARAFAT IS A TOWELHEADED CAMEL PUSHER CARASSO (internet article intercepted) From: bonnie@netcom.com <CARASSO> Newsgroups: soc.culture.arabic,soc.culture.chinese,soc.culture.siri-lanka,misc.misc,alt.moslem.wanted.men,alt.moslem.wanted.women,rec.pets,comp.sources.wanted Subject: FAT ARA YASIR Message-ID: <7651@netcom.com> Date: 30 Aug 93 00:24:42 GMT References: Followup-To: soc.culture.arabic,soc.culture.chinese,soc.culture.siri-lanka,misc.misc,misc.test,alt.moslem.wanted.men,alt.moslem.wanted.women,rec.pets,comp.sources.wanted Organization: Chainsaws 'R Us YASIR ARAFAT LIKES LITTLE MOSLEM BOY BOTTOMS WHEN HE CAN'T GET HIS CAMEL CARASSO (internet article intercepted) From: bonnie@netcom.com <CARASSO> Newsgroups: soc.culture.arabic,soc.culture.indian,talk.politics.mideast,misc.misc,alt.moslem.wanted.men,alt.moslem.wanted.women,rec.equestrien,comp.ai,alt.plo.dogs Subject: YA SIR, YA SIR Message-ID: <7656@netcom.com> Date: 30 Aug 93 00:29:57 GMT References: Followup-To: soc.culture.arabic,soc.culture.indian,talk.politics.mideast,misc.misc,alt.moslem.wanted.men,misc.test,alt.test,alt.moslem.wanted.women,rec.equestrien,comp.ai,alt.plo.dogs Organization: Chainsaws 'R Us YASIR ARAFAT, LEADER OF THE LARGEST SUPPLIER OF TEMPORARY WORKERS. TEL-AVIV NEEDS YOUR STAFF FOR ALL LOW-PAYING, NO BENEFIT, MENIAL JOBS. CARASSO (eavesdropping transcript, PLO Hq. 30 Aug 93 11:05:31 GMT) Y. Arafat: "Any new mail or anything?" Unidentified fedayhen organizer 1: "I know of none, Exhalted Leader. Shall I check?" YA: "Yes, and also see if the latest is in on alt.binaries.pictures.erotica. I need some new GIFs to cover the shrapnel holes in the walls." UFO1: "Of course, Savior of Palestine." (clicking sound, believed to be code machine of some sort) UFO1: "AAhhhh!!" YA: "What?" UFO1: "Allah preserve us!" YA: "What in the name of satan are you talking about?" UFO1: "I... I cannot soil your ears by reading it, Exhalted One. It, it's terribly insulting!" YA: "Then get out of my way.... Hmmm... "camel pusher"? What could this possibly mean? (click) Little muslim bo--What?!?! How did he find out-- Never mind! (click) What?!?! TEMPORARIES! This is an insult not to be borne! See to it no one sees this, and summon my head of assasins!" UFO1: "Too late, Savior. It was posted with a world distrubution." YA: "Curse that Peres! This is dastardly!" (email intercept) From: fm@state.ministry.gov.il <Shimon Peres> To: bonnie@netcom.com Subject: Activities Message-ID: <yF419.079.9B6@state.ministry.gov.il> Date: 31 Aug 93 13:09:16 GMT References: Organization: Israeli Department of State Roger; Very good! You've got their headquaters in turmoil. Also, Mossad picked up a few copies and plastered them all over the west bank. They're all too busy screaming at each other to throw rocks. Shimon Peres Foreign Minister Israel (email intercept) From: bonnie@netcom.com <CARASSO> To: fm@state.ministry.gov.il Subject: Message-ID: <7802@netcom.com> Date: 31 Aug 93 15:13:49 GMT References: Organization: Chainsaws 'R Us OH, REALLY? I HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN WARMED UP YET. AND TELL THOSE AMATEURS TO QUIT MESSING WITH MY POSTS. DON'T THEY KNOW THAT WASTING PAPER PRINTING THINGS KILLS TREES? CARASSO (internet article intercepted) From: bonnie@netcom.com <CARASSO> Newsgroups: soc.culture.arabic,soc.culture.tamil,soc.culture.wankers,misc.misc,alt.moslem.wanted.men,alt.moslem.wanted.women,rec.food.vegetarian,comp.unix.admin,news.newusers.questions Subject: STUPID PALISTINIANS Message-ID: <7807@netcom.com> Followup-To: soc.culture.arabic,soc.culture.tamil,soc.culture.wankers,misc.misc,alt.moslem.wanted.men,alt.moslem.wanted.women,misc.test,rec.food.vegetarian,comp.unix.admin,news.newusers.questions Date: 31 Aug 93 15:22:17 GMT References: Organization: Chainsaws 'R Us Q: WHY DO WE KNOW PALISTINIANS ARE SO STUPID? A: THEY'RE TRYING TO TAKE A DESERT AWAY FROM SOMEONE WITH MORE GUNS. CARASSO (eavesdrop transcript, PLO Hq 31 Aug 18:45:21 GMT) Y. Arafat: "WELL?? Is there anything else, besides those test autoresponders?" Unidentified fedayhen organizer 6: "I know not, sir." YA: "Well, check and find out!" UFO6: "Ahh... I'd rather not, Exhalted One." YA: "WHY NOT??" UFO6: "Because you've had the last five men who checked shot." YA: "Oh. If you knew *that*, why did you volunteer for this duty, eh?" UFO6: "I didn't. We drew lots, and I lost." YA: "Oh. Well, then I'll check myself, later." UFO6: "*Thank* you, sir." YA: "I'll look at the assasins reports, instead." UFO6: "Ummm... Sir... Ahhh, we don't have any reports from the assasins." YA: "What?!?! But we've sent three..." UFO6: "Seven, sir." YA: "SEVEN?? WHAT?? Why haven't I been told?!?!" UFO6: "Well, you had a lot on your mind, and the head of assasins wanted to solve the problem first, what with the way you've been handling bad news...." YA: "Well, *now* I know. What's going on? Why are they failing?" UFO6: "We prepare perfect papers for them, as visiting academians or whatever, and they have no trouble entering the country of the Great Satan, or traveling across it. Then, they get to Los Angeles and vanish." YA: "Vanish? Seven of my loyal assasins? UFO6: "Yes, sir; they arrive in Los Angeles, get picked up by a local contact in a black windowless van, and are not seen again." YA: "That's all we know?" UFO6: "One of the West Coast mission staff happened to debark in Los Angeles with one of the assasins; he observed him getting into the windowless black van, heard a buzzing sound for a moment, then the van left." YA: "Buzzing sound?" UFO6: "Ahh...yes. He said it must have been the vans' air conditioner, as the only other thing he'd heard that sounded similar was a chain saw." YA: "Madness! Seven failed assasins! Tell the head of assasins that if there's another failure, it better be him, or he'll be the beheaded assasin. Dismissed; get out of here!" (sound of door closing) (code machine clicking) YA: "AAaaaiiieeeee! Insults!!! Allah help me!" (code machine clicking) YA: "AAahhhhhh!! This will end with one of us dying, pig!! (click) AAaaiiieee!! Will this madness not stop?" (email intercept) From: fm@state.ministry.gov.il <Shimon Peres> To: bonnie@necom.com Subject: Progress Message-ID: <yF419.602.7M4@state.ministry.gov.il> Date: 31 Aug 93 20:43:54 GMT References: Organization: Israeli Department of State Roger; You're doing quite well; so far, he's shot half his headquarters staff, and two thirds of his assasins are missing. I think he's near the breaking point. Excellent work. You can taper off, now. Shimon Peres Foreign Minister Israel P.S. Know anything about those assasins? (email intercept) From: bonnie@netcom.com <CARASSO> To: fm@state.ministry.gov.il Subject: Re: Progress Message-ID: <7945@netcom.com> Date: 1 Sep 93 21:14:30 GMT References: Organization: Chainsaws 'R Us WATCH THIS CARASSO ASSASINS? WHAT ASSASINS? (internet article intercepted) From: bonnie@netcom.com <CARASSO> Newsgroups: news.groups,soc.culture.arabic,soc.culture.indian,talk.politics.mideast,misc.invest,alt.moslem.wanted.men,alt.moslem.wanted.women,rec.boating,comp.protocols.tcpip,alt.plo.dogs Subject: NEW GROUP FOR MAJORITY OF MOSLEMS Control: newgroup alt.moslem.wanted.gay Message-ID: <7989@netcom.com> Followup-To: news.groups,soc.culture.arabic,soc.culture.indian,talk.politics.mideast,misc.invest,alt.moslem.wanted.men,alt.moslem.wanted.women,misc.test,rec.boating,comp.protocols.tcpip,alt.plo.dogs Date: 1 Sep 93 01:03:48 GMT References: Organization: Chainsaw Mosque TIME FOR EVERYONE TO COME OUT OF THE BACK OF THE TENT CARASSO (eavesdropping transcript, PLO Hq. 1 Sep 11:02:55 GMT) Y. Arafat: "AAaaaiieeee!!! No! No more! I can't take it! Stop him, someone make him stop!" Unidentified fedayhen organizer 17: "We can't sir; there's no one left." YA: "The assasins!" UFO17: "All gone, sir. They get to Los Angeles and vanish." YA: "Get me the head of assasins!" UFO17: "Sorry, sir, he and the last assasin were numbers 12 and 13." YA: "AAAaaaiieeee!!! Madness!!! Allah preserve us!! AAAaaaiiieeeeee!!" (email intercept) From: exhalted_leader@tunisa.hq.plo.org <Yasir Arafat> To: fm@state.ministry.gov.il Subject: Peace negotiations Message-ID: <7034197.AA@tunisa.hq.plo.org> Date: 2 Sep 93 10:01:51 GMT References: Organization: Glorious Liberators Organized for Palestine In view of the current world situation, I, ah, we, er, the PLO feels it would be appropriate to open discussions at this time. First, however, you must call off your, ah, antagonist; otherwise, it may not be possible to maintain sufficient order to allow the negotiations to proceed. Please! Yasir Arafat Chief Terrorist^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^HNegotiator PLO (email intercept) From: fm@state.ministry.gov.il <Shimon Peres> To: arafat@tunisa.hq.plo.org Subject: Re: Peace negotiations Message-ID: <yF420.037.1G7@state.ministry.gov.il> Date: 2 Sep 93 10:49:32 GMT References: Organization: Israeli Department of State Send a signed blank check. Shimon Peres Foreign Minister Israel (email intercept) From: fm@state.ministry.gov.il <Shimon Peres> To: bonnie@netcom.com Subject: Activities Message-ID: <yF420.039.6N2@state.ministry.gov.il> Date: 2 Sep 93 11:07:04 GMT References: Organization: Israeli Department of State Roger; Okay, enough already. He's broken and begging for relief. We've got him where we want him. Israel appreciates your work. You can stop now. Shimon Peres Foreign Minister Israel (email intercept) From: bonnie@netcom.com <CARASSO> To: fm@state.ministry.gov.il Subject: Re: Activities Message-ID: <8154@netcom.com> Date: 3 Sep 93 00:43:51 GMT References: Organization: Chainsaws 'R Us HELL NO, I'M HAVING TOO MUCH FUN. CARASSO (internet article intercepted) From: bonnie@netcom.com <CARASSO> Newsgroups: news.groups,soc.culture.arabic,soc.culture.china,talk.politics.mideast,misc.invest,alt.moslem.wanted.men,alt.moslem.wanted.women,alt.moslem.wanted.gay,rec.food.cooking,comp.sys.amiga.advocacy,alt.plo.dogs Subject: COME TO THE BARBEQUE Message-ID: <8160@netcom.com> Followup-To: news.groups,soc.culture.arabic,soc.culture.china,talk.politics.mideast,misc.invest,alt.moslem.wanted.men,alt.moslem.wanted.women,alt.moslem.wanted.gay,misc.test,rec.food.cooking,comp.sys.amiga.advocacy,alt.plo.dogs Date: 3 Sep 93 00:51:34 GMT References: Organization: Chainsaws 'R Us SHIMON PERES AND YASIR ARAFAT ARE HAVING A BARBEQUE; ALL TOWEL-HEADS ARE INVITED MENU: ROAST PIG BAKED BEANS WITH BACON CHEESEBURGERS CHITLINS BEER CARASSO (email intercept) From: fm@state.ministry.gov.il <Shimon Peres> To: arafat@tunisa.hq.plo.org Subject: Re: Peace negotiations Message-ID: <yF421.137.4R9@state.ministry.gov.il> Date: 3 Sep 93 10:09:29 GMT References: Organization: Israeli Department of State We have a small problem. Shimon Peres Foreign Minister Israel (email intercept) From: exhalted_leader@tunisa.hq.plo.org <Yasir Arafat> To: fm@state.ministry.gov.il Subject: Re: Peace negotiations Message-ID: <7036174.AA@tunisa.hq.plo.org> Date: 3 Sep 93 10:35:23 GMT References: Organization: Glorious Liberators Organized for Palestine Please! Anything! Anything at all! Just make him stop! Name it! In the name of Allah! Anything! As long as it stops! I beg you! Yasir Arafat Chief Terrorist PLO (email intercept) From: fm@state.ministry.gov.il <Shimon Peres> To: arafat@tunisa.hq.plo.org Subject: Re: Peace negotiations Message-ID: <yF424.651.3B2@state.ministry.gov.il> Date: 3 Sep 93 11:23:38 GMT References: Organization: Israeli Department of State That's the problem. I've told him to stop twice; he won't. I don't know what to do next--got any assasins near Los Angeles? Shimon Peres Foreign Minister Israel (internet article intercepted) From: bonnie@netcom.com <CARASSO> Newsgroups: news.groups,soc.culture.arabic,soc.culture.china,talk.politics.mideast,misc.taxes,alt.moslem.wanted.men,alt.moslem.wanted.women,alt.moslem.wanted.gay,rec.food.drink,comp.sys.ibm.pc.hardware,alt.plo.dogs Subject: PALISTINIAN WOMEN Message-ID: <8329@netcom.com> Followup-To: news.groups,soc.culture.arabic,soc.culture.china,talk.politics.mideast,misc.taxes,alt.moslem.wanted.men,misc.test,alt.moslem.wanted.women,alt.moslem.wanted.gay,rec.food.drink,comp.sys.ibm.pc.hardware,alt.plo.dogs Date: 5 Sep 93 11:49:01 GMT References: Organization: Chainsaws 'R Us Q: WHY DO PALISTINIAN WOMEN WEAR CHADORS? A: SAME REASONS LONG-JOHNS HAVE A TRAP-DOOR SEAT--TO COVER THEIR ASSES. CARASSO (email intercept) From: exhalted_leader@tunisa.hq.plo.org <Yasir Arafat> To: fm@state.ministry.gov.il Subject: Re: Peace negotiations Message-ID: <7037150.AA@tunisa.hq.plo.org> Date: 5 Sep 93 12:05:51 GMT References: Organization: Glorious Liberators Organized for Palestine AAAaaaiiiieeeee!!! We sent thirteen! They all failed! Vanished as soon as they arrived in Los Angeles! The local contact would pick them up in his windowless black van, and we never hear from them again! Call your accursed Mossad! Yasir Arafat Chief Terrorist PLO (email intercept) From: fm@state.ministry.gov.il <Shimon Peres> To: arafat@tunisa.hq.plo.org Subject: Re: Peace negotiations Message-ID: <yF424.709.9T5@state.ministry.gov.il> Date: 5 Sep 93 12:32:16 GMT References: Organization: Israeli Department of State Thirteen? That's a bad average, even for you guys. Black windowless van? Oh, shit. Shimon Peres Foreign Minister Israel (email intercept) From: fm@state.ministry.gov.il <Shimon Peres> To: bonnie@netcom.com Subject: STOP! Message-ID: <yF424.715.8P1@state.ministry.gov.il> Date: 5 Sep 93 12:39:08 GMT References: Organization: Israeli Department of State Roger! Stop! Halt! Recall! Cancel! Quit! End! Mission Accomplished! Rest! Sleep! sleep -9999999 & Enough! Call it off! No more! Shimon Peres Foreign Minister Israel (email intercept) From: bonnie@netcom.com <CARASSO> To: fm@state.ministry.gov.il Subject: Re: STOP! Message-ID: <8490@netcom.com> Date: 6 Sep 93 00:10:33 GMT References: Organization: Chainsaws 'R Us NO. GO BACK TO YOUR GOY MISTRESS. CARASSO (eavesdropping transcript, ofc. of Shimon Peres 6 Sep 93 09:56:20 GMT) S. Peres: "Oy vey, *what* have I done? (email intercept) From: fm@state.ministry.gov.il <Shimon Peres> To: duty_katsa@hq.mossad.idf.gov.il Subject: Person interfereing with negotiations Message-ID: <yF426.018.2N6@state.ministry.gov.il> Date: 6 Sep 93 10:03:14 GMT References: Organization: Israeli Department of State Look, I've got a problem here. Quiet this guy down somehow until I get Yasirs' autograph on that peace plan. Shimon Peres Foreign Minister Israel (email intercept) From: duty_katsa@hq.mossad.idf.gov.il <Duty Case Officer> To: fm@state.ministry.gov.il Subject: Re: Person interfereing with negotiations Message-ID: <rB426.970.4S1@mossad.idf.gov.il> Date: 7 Sep 93 11:12:36 GMT References: Organization: Mossad No. We warned you about this, and we're not pulling your fat out of the fire this time. "Shadrack" Duty Case Officer Mossad Headquarters Israel (email intercept) From: fm@state.ministry.gov.il <Shimon Peres> To: duty_katsa@hq.mossad.idf.gov.il Subject: Re: Person interfereing with negotiations Message-ID: <yF427.194.3B8@state.ministry.gov.il> Date: 7 Sep 93 12:11:52 GMT References: Organization: Israeli Department of State Dammit, *do something*! He's already posted 276 articles to dozens of newsgroups, and has the Arab world on the verge of attack! Stop him! Or have you forgotten who signs your budget requests? Shimon Peres Foreign Minister Israel (email intercept) From: duty_katsa@hq.mossad.idf.gov.il <Duty Case Officer> To: fm@state.ministry.gov.il Subject: Re: Person interfereing with negotiations Message-ID: <rB427.601.7X1@mossad.idf.gov.il> Date: 7 Sep 93 14:09:11 GMT References: Organization: Mossad Might I remind you, sir, of our strenuous objections to setting this up in the first place? Might I further remind you of our vehement objections to hiring x industries as his support organization, so it would "isolate" him from apparent connections with us? We've lost three guys lately to some mysterious meteorites; analysis indicates they were almost pure cast iron, and shaped somewhat like an anvil (and we have reports of several similar "divine acts" on the other side, too). That tells us who we're up against. We like to win. We aren't going to tackle x industries. As far as the budget is concerned, our arms deals and smuggling give us a better cash flow than the rest of this country. FOAD. "Shadrack" Duty Case Officer Mossad Headquarters Israel (data wiretap, ofc. Shimon Peres) From: fm@state.ministry.gov.il <Shimon Peres> To: duty_katsa@hq.mossad.idf.gov.il Subject: Person interfereing with negotiations Message-ID: <yF428.319.6G5@state.ministry.gov.il> Date: 7 Sep 93 16:49:02 GMT References: Organization: Israeli Department of State Arms deals? Smuggling? Looks like it's time for an audit. Anyway, if you guys won't do the job, I'll just contact Al, the supersecret top-level Mossad branch that's not supposed to be operating in the United States. I'm sure I can get^C^C ^C NO WE WON'T. What? What the hell is this? WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK? WHAT'RE YOU DOING MENTIONING US IN AN EMAIL MESSAGE TO MOSSAD HQ, ANYWAY? MOST OF THOSE BOZOS DON'T THINK WE EXIST. Look, I'm the Foreign Minister, and I'm ordering^C ^C NO, WE WON'T GO AFTER HIM. ARAFAT SENT 12 OF HIS BEST AND THAT IDIOTIC BROTHER-IN-LAW HE HAD IN CHARGE OF THEM, AND THEY ALL FAILED. AND THAT WAS WITHOUT THE TARGET NEEDING ANY SUPPORT FROM X INDUSTRIES. WE NOT ONLY LIKE TO WIN, WE LIKE TO STAY ALIVE IF WE DON'T. BECOMING FEEDSTOCK FOR A PROTOPLASM VAT DOESN'T APPEAL TO US. But he's endangering the peace plan! YOUR PROBLEM, NOT OURS. YOU SOLVE IT. You can't do this to me! SURE WE CAN. JUST WATCH US. NOW DUMP THIS MESSAGE AND DON'T SEND ANYTHING ELSE MENTIONING US THROUGH NORMAL CHANNELS. HAVEN'T YOU HEARD OF SECURITY? Q :wq! (eavesdropping transcript, ofc. of Shimon Peres 8 Sep 93 21:56:49 GMT) S. Peres: "Damn Mossad! Damn them all! Irv! Irv!" Irv: "Yes, sir?" SP: "Bring me the phone book for Los Angeles, California. White pages." Irv: "Yes, sir." SP: "Let's see.... Houck, Houck, Ah; Houck, Alfred--no; Houck, Bonnie. That's it! (clatter) (tone sequence) Hmmm..." SP: "Hello, is this Bonnie Houck? Hi; I understand you're attached to a fellow named Roger; I need to talk to you about him, is he around at the moment? No? Good... Look, I'm Shimon Peres, the Foreign Minister of Israel, and I need you to help me with something." SP: "No, really, I am the Foreign Minister. Yes. Long distance from Israel, yes. Look, I had Roger start working on a project for us, and he has gotten, shall we say carried away. I need your help to distract him for a few days so I can get some things done. Can you do that?" SP: "Yes, I know you visited a kibbutz here, and helped us out, and we appreciate it immensely, but about Roger... Look, I'll send you a couple of bags of stuff from the kibbutz, how about two each of potatos and onions...no onions. Ok, I...no onions at all. Yes, I und...you don't want me to mention onions again, especially 50 pound bags of them, right, not at all, sure, whatever you want. I didn't realize...no gloves. Yes, that would be rough. About Roger...not even scallions, sure. What would you need to distract Roger for a few days, whatever you want." SP: "Surely there's some way...I think breast enlargement surgery will take too long, is there anything else? Well, try...a what? A case each of champagne and what? Duck tape? Oh, D U C T tape. Right. No problem with that. Yes. Is that a case of each for each of you, or for...oh, a case of champagne apiece and just one of duct tape. Right, I should have known. Any brand you prefer? Dom Pergnon and 3M, sure, you know quality. Ok, I'll have it there by Fed Ex by day after tomorrow." SP: "I'm glad that fits well for you...yes...my pleasure. Yours? Oh, yes, haha. Well, Bonnie, the State of Israel thanks you for this service...yes. Absolutly none of the O-word. Yes. Thank you, Bonnie. Yes. Good night..." (email intercept) From: fm@state.ministry.gov.il <Shimon Peres> To: arafat@tunisa.hq.plo.org Subject: Problems Message-ID: <yF429.103.1S8@state.ministry.gov.il> Date: 9 Sep 93 09:51:03 GMT References: Organization: Israeli Department of State I've got something going. Pack a bag for Washington DC and be ready to act. We'll only have a day or two. Shimon Peres Foreign Minister Israel -- Gary Heston SCI Systems, Inc. gary@sci.com site admin The Chairman of the Board and the CFO speak for SCI. I'm neither. "If you don't know where you are going, every road will get you nowhere." --Henry Kissinger