Article: 178971 of talk.bizarre Newsgroups: talk.bizarre From: email@example.com (Johnathan Vail) Subject: Side Out Message-ID: <D05pKn.KL@pps.com> Summary: Vail to Suck Organization: PrePRESS SOLUTIONS, Inc. Billerica, MA Date: Fri, 2 Dec 1994 00:05:10 GMT Lines: 92 Status: O All of the other humans were eliminated in the semi-finals. The only other human to even the reach the semi's was Liz and her Venusian Angel partner, Whashusha. I had put them out when I six-packed Whashusha. I didn't mean to but not only was he late coming up for the block but he spread his arms wide to wishbone me. I thought I could get over him in time and drilled the ball full force. Wham! Right in his third eye. It swelled shut and they had to forfeit even though they had us 11-6 at the time. I felt a little bad for injuring him. But it wasn't serious and a lot of people would be glad there was one less Angel in the money ranks. There was still a lot of resentment over the Interplanetary Volleyball Association's decision to allow androgynous beings to classify themselves as either Male or Female in coed competition. At least he was playing with a legitimate female partner. And I could testify that Liz was female. She was watching me from center court. She smiled and tried to hold my gaze every time I glanced over. Sorry babe, you blew it. She had her chance with me before but dumped me for that astronaut after last year's Coco Beach King and Queen of the Planet Tournament. I felt a perverse and secret pleasure when I saw the Internews report of his arrest. He got caught buzzing President Kennedy on the East Lawn of the White House. It was reported that John Jr and and the first lady were not amused. What wasn't reported was after the Secret Service sapped his saucer they found him naked and babbling, still nursing the second half of a liter of Martian Red. Blood tests found out where the other half liter went. Almost over. Fourteen up, win by two. Ashashasho and Shaahaash had the serve. It was a hell of a game but playing against two Angels is never easy. Ashashasho serves a fast hard jumper from what must have been at least 20 feet off the sand and 10 feet in the court. As usual. This late in the game it was pure reflexes let me dig the ball at all. I shanked it square in the net. Damn. But Tikragt was still going strong and faster than ever. Martian Arachnids make up for their lack of height with phenomenal speed and agility. All I saw was a red blur as she dove into the sand and planted her four front legs allowing the ball to bounce off her exoskeleton. It wasn't a high enough set to crush so I hit a shot deep line. Shaahaash just reached up and used an overhead bump to Ashashasho who set it. I moved up to the net and planted, ready to jump and block line. Then I noticed Shaahaash's third eye looking deep behind me. Liz taught me that: "When playing Venusians always watch the third eye". Just in time I dropped off the net and backpedaled as he placed his shot. I had just enough time to reach back over my head and pokey it to front center. Tikragt had plenty of time to crawl up and roll on her back. She took the ball in all eight "hands" and set a perfect deep dish set. Not only was there zero spin on the ball but the flourescent IVA logo was perfectly centered. This is it. I Jumped to spike. Shaahaash was already up ready to roof the ball and was straining his vestigel wings to extend his hang time. Angels are big but they aren't quick to react. I turned my hand outside and cut the ball under the block. It hit the sand just as Ashashasho did in a vain attempt to reach it. My serve. I glanced over to Liz who smiled like a schoolgirl as I tossed it up. I put all I had into the backspin and sent it straight in the middle between the two giant Angels. They just looked at each other as the ball bounced between them. It's always a good sign to get your opponents mad at each other at game point and I could tell from their hissing they were mad. Their argument sounded like a loud chorus of flat tires. This time I tossed the ball higher, jumped and hit up from the bottom. I hoped they would be expecting another fast jump serve and be thrown off by my high floater. They both hissed as the ball arced down from under the sunny blue Florida sky. That was another plus: practicing on Venus they never see direct sunlight. Shaahaash was squinting as he shanked the ball off his bony white elbow. Ashashasho made a great diving attempt at a recovery but only succeeded in sending the ball farther into the spectators. It was over and we had won. After the game Liz came up to me and invited me down to Miami. "To Celebrate your victory" she said. I had to decline. I told her I was taking my partner to visit the everglades. She's wanted to go there all her life. Tikragt has been spinning a lot of web lately. I think she's making an egg sac. Maybe that means my new relationship will last longer than my last.