Article: 178971 of talk.bizarre
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: (Johnathan Vail)
Subject: Side Out
Message-ID: <>
Summary: Vail to Suck
Organization: PrePRESS SOLUTIONS, Inc. Billerica, MA
Date: Fri, 2 Dec 1994 00:05:10 GMT
Lines: 92
Status: O

All of the other humans were eliminated in the semi-finals.  The only
other human to even the reach the semi's was Liz and her Venusian
Angel partner, Whashusha.  I had put them out when I six-packed

I didn't mean to but not only was he late coming up for the block but
he spread his arms wide to wishbone me.  I thought I could get over
him in time and drilled the ball full force.  Wham!  Right in his
third eye.  It swelled shut and they had to forfeit even though they
had us 11-6 at the time.

I felt a little bad for injuring him.  But it wasn't serious and a lot
of people would be glad there was one less Angel in the money ranks.
There was still a lot of resentment over the Interplanetary Volleyball
Association's decision to allow androgynous beings to classify
themselves as either Male or Female in coed competition. At least he
was playing with a legitimate female partner.  And I could testify
that Liz was female.

She was watching me from center court.  She smiled and tried to hold
my gaze every time I glanced over.  Sorry babe, you blew it.  She had
her chance with me before but dumped me for that astronaut after last
year's Coco Beach King and Queen of the Planet Tournament.  I felt a
perverse and secret pleasure when I saw the Internews report of his
arrest.  He got caught buzzing President Kennedy on the East Lawn of
the White House.  It was reported that John Jr and and the first lady
were not amused.  What wasn't reported was after the Secret Service
sapped his saucer they found him naked and babbling, still nursing the
second half of a liter of Martian Red.  Blood tests found out where
the other half liter went.

Almost over.  Fourteen up, win by two.  Ashashasho and Shaahaash had
the serve.  It was a hell of a game but playing against two Angels is
never easy.  Ashashasho serves a fast hard jumper from what must have
been at least 20 feet off the sand and 10 feet in the court.  As

This late in the game it was pure reflexes let me dig the ball at all.
I shanked it square in the net.  Damn.  But Tikragt was still going
strong and faster than ever.  Martian Arachnids make up for their lack
of height with phenomenal speed and agility. All I saw was a red blur
as she dove into the sand and planted her four front legs allowing the
ball to bounce off her exoskeleton.  It wasn't a high enough set to
crush so I hit a shot deep line.

Shaahaash just reached up and used an overhead bump to Ashashasho who
set it.  I moved up to the net and planted, ready to jump and block
line.  Then I noticed Shaahaash's third eye looking deep behind me.
Liz taught me that: "When playing Venusians always watch the third
eye".  Just in time I dropped off the net and backpedaled as he placed
his shot.  I had just enough time to reach back over my head and pokey
it to front center.

Tikragt had plenty of time to crawl up and roll on her back.  She took
the ball in all eight "hands" and set a perfect deep dish set.  Not
only was there zero spin on the ball but the flourescent IVA logo was
perfectly centered.

This is it.  I Jumped to spike.  Shaahaash was already up ready to
roof the ball and was straining his vestigel wings to extend his hang
time.  Angels are big but they aren't quick to react.  I turned my
hand outside and cut the ball under the block.  It hit the sand just
as Ashashasho did in a vain attempt to reach it.

My serve.  I glanced over to Liz who smiled like a schoolgirl as I
tossed it up.  I put all I had into the backspin and sent it straight
in the middle between the two giant Angels.  They just looked at each
other as the ball bounced between them.  It's always a good sign to
get your opponents mad at each other at game point and I could tell
from their hissing they were mad.  Their argument sounded like a loud
chorus of flat tires.

This time I tossed the ball higher, jumped and hit up from the bottom.
I hoped they would be expecting another fast jump serve and be thrown
off by my high floater.  They both hissed as the ball arced down from
under the sunny blue Florida sky.  That was another plus: practicing
on Venus they never see direct sunlight.  Shaahaash was squinting as
he shanked the ball off his bony white elbow.  Ashashasho made a great
diving attempt at a recovery but only succeeded in sending the ball
farther into the spectators.  It was over and we had won.

After the game Liz came up to me and invited me down to Miami.  "To
Celebrate your victory" she said.  I had to decline.

I told her I was taking my partner to visit the everglades.  She's
wanted to go there all her life.  Tikragt has been spinning a lot of
web lately.  I think she's making an egg sac.  Maybe that means my new
relationship will last longer than my last.