Article: 178940 of talk.bizarre
From: (Andrew Solberg)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: REPOST: Encyclopedia Brown Does It Again!
Date: 1 Dec 1994 19:37:01 -0600
Organization: UTexas Mail-to-News Gateway
Lines: 145
Message-ID: <>
Status: O

It was raining again, and from the safety of his garage Encyclopedia
Brown frowned at the precipitation.  "Who's going to visit our detective
business in this weather?" he fumed.

Sally had to agree.  She was the prettiest girl in their grade, and was
also the toughest.  Many was the time that Bugs Meany regretted ever
having crossed Sally in one of her cases.  Encyclopedia was the brains
behind their operation, possessing the keen memory and sharp mental skills
that his nickname implied, but Sally was the muscle; bullies had learned
to steer clear of the pair when they were on a job.

Suddenly, Pee-Wee Weatherby ran up the driveway.  Soaked to the skin, the
pudgy second-grader approached the overturned gas canister that served as 
the agency's desk and plunked down a scratched-up quarter.  "I've got a 
job for you," he declared firmly.

Encyclopedia pocketed the quarter.  "No case too small," he announced.
"What's the scoop, Pee-Wee?"

"That bad old Bugs Meany has sold a bunch of us on a plan to recycle 
newspapers.  We were all to contribute a dollar to get the business started.
Bugs said that we could earn two-fifty a week once the plan got underway.
Well, it's been two weeks now, and we haven't seen any of our money.  We
asked Bugs to give us our stakes back, but he said he couldn't do that.
I want my dollar back!"

Sally patted Pee-Wee across the desk.  "Don't worry, Pee-Wee.  The 
Encyclopedia Brown Detective Agency is on the job!"

"That's right, Sally," averred Encyclopedia.  "Now, Pee-Wee, can you tell
us where Bugs is hanging out?"

Soon the rain stopped, and the trio biked over to the abandoned lot on
Jefferson Street.  A pile of scrap metal and boards formed a ramshackle
club-house.  Hanging on the door was a crudely-lettered sign reading:

                        PAPER RECYCLING
                   NEWSPRINT, CARDBOARD, SCRAP
                           CASH PAID

Below it was another sign reading:


Lounging in front of the clubhouse was a very bored-looking Bugs Meany.  He
was an older boy with a Jughead Crown and a nasty sneer.  He hated Encyclopedia
Brown for his interference, but he feared Sally and her terrible fists.  As
the three kids approached, Bugs looked a little nervous.  However, he soon
relaxed and looked down his nose at the younger children.

"Welcome to my place of business, ladies and gentlemen!" Bugs announced in
a sarcastic voice.  "Would you like to trade in your newspapers for cash?  
Gee, I'm really sorry, but our business folded, and I don't know when we'll
be back on our feet."  He regarded the trio with a saucy smile.

"You dirty rat!" shouted Sally.  "You're robbing kids of their money for your
business and not giving them anything in return!  I'll bet you never did one
minute of work at recycling!"  Sally menaced Bugs with her fists; Bugs quickly

Encyclopedia Brown surveyed the yard.  The grass had grown very tall and green.
Next to the clubhouse was a wheelbarrow, partially filled with old newspapers.
There were several ruts cutting across the abandoned lot.  They were all of
uniform depth.

Bugs was shouting back at Sally:  "That's not true!  I had a legitimate 
business going!  I would bring newspapers, cardboard boxes, and other paper
scrap to the recycling center!  They paid me cash; I was going to distribute
it to my shareholders as soon as I showed a profit!  I invested their stake
in that wheelbarrow, but then the recycling center closed!  Now I can't repay
the stake; otherwise I would -- honest!"  He favored Sally with a smug smile.

Encyclopedia Brown stepped up to Bugs and picked something off his shirt.  He
held it up for all to see.  It looked like a scrap of greenish ribbon.  
Encyclopedia Brown smiled.

Bugs Meany frowned.  "So what?  What does that prove?  It doesn't mean
anything.  I'm innocent, and you can't prove otherwise."

"You're wrong," said Encyclopedia quietly.  "You're guilty, and you're going
to return that money right now.  You see, Bugs, you made one small mistake."


WHAT WAS BUGS' MISTAKE?     (see below)

Bugs' mistake was meeting the Brown Detective Agency alone.

Sally held Bugs down and sodomized him with a power drill.  By the time she
had worked her way up to the three-eighths-inch bit, Bugs was in a talkative
mood.  Encyclopedia Brown elicited the appropriate confession and obtained
a full refund for the other kids.  Sometimes having not a shred of evidence
is no obstacle for a real sleuth.

Encyclopedia Brown does it again!

HWRNMNBSOL = Andrew J. Solberg, Visiting Prof. at Rice U. from U. of Oslo