Article: 178979 of talk.bizarre
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: eds@fripp.media.mit.edu (Eric Scheirer)
Subject: (repost) Growing Up
Message-ID: <EDS.94Dec1155229@fripp.media.mit.edu>
Followup-To: talk.bizarre
Summary: fail to suck
Sender: news@news.media.mit.edu (USENET News System)
Organization: MIT Media Laboratory
Date: Thu, 1 Dec 1994 20:52:29 GMT
Lines: 62
Status: O


I had a dream when I was about eleven or twelve or maybe a little older I 
don't remember exactly in which there was a penis attached to the wall of
the bathroom upstairs next to my bedroom and it really freaked me out I
mean it was all big and hairy and mine was just starting to grow little
thin blond hairs and it made me think about castration and the time when I
got hit in the balls with a line drive in little league and so I woke up in
the middle of the night all sweaty and shaking and I couldn't go back to
sleep.

I thought about telling my friends who were really close to me at the time
at least I think closer than my twelve year old boys usually are but I
didn't because I was afraid that they would think I was queer although now
that I think about it the friendship we shared then could have easily
turned into a very positive and fulfilling relationship I mean one friend
in particular I remember wishing that I was a girl or he was a girl so that
we could go out I liked him that much and his name was George Sharron or
Sharon and maybe thats the reason because he had a girls last name that I
thought about him that way and George if you happen to be out there reading
this drop me a line OK?

But I also didn't tell them because of two other reasons one because I
couldn't exactly figure out how to put the right words together which of
course is a problem I still suffer from I mean how do you say that anyway
to your friends "Hey I had a dream about a dick growing on my bathroom
wall last night" and they think either you're a queer and maybe they like
that or maybe you're just going crazy and you'd know they'd laugh at you
first for having such a weird dream and second for being scared by a penis
and third for trying to tell them about it.

The second reason being that I was a big reader and I still am of course 
lots of things never change I guess and I had read about Freud although I
don't think I had read Freud I was only eleven or twelve and I knew about
castration anxiety and the Oedipus complex and I knew about puberty and I
was afraid that somehow these were all a symbol that I was growing up or
that I wasn't having a normal childhood or that I was going to be queer
when I grew up or that I already was and I really didn't want to try to
talk about that with my friends.

But then last night now that I'm grown up or supposed to be I had a dream
where I was at a party and we were all drinking and laughing and I went
into the bathroom which looked just like the bathroom in my parents' house
and there was a penis on the wall but it looked like a little boys penis it
was small and flaccid and hairless and it didn't scare me and I went back
to the party and all the other men there who were all gorgeous I admit
started hitting on me and trying to pick me up and I enjoyed it. 

And now I'm telling you because you are my friends and I have a close
relationship with you but not quite as close as my friends when I was
twelve and I'm grown up now and so are most of you I guess so I don't care
whether you think I'm queer or not and besides I don't really know whether
I am or not but I'm not scared what you think of me either way and maybe if
you think it's OK then we can try out some things and I can find out for
sure.


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|   Eric Scheirer   | | Ebmaj7 G7  | Abmaj7 Ao | Bb7   Bo7  | Cm7  Cm7/Bb  | 
| eds@media.mit.edu |         < http://sound.media.mit.edu/~eds>
|   617 253 0116    | | Am7b5 D7b9 | Gm7 Gm7/F | Em7b5 A7b9 | Fm7  Bb7b9   |
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