Article: 261211 of talk.bizarre From: Lloyd Wood <L.Wood@surrey.ac.uk> Newsgroups: talk.bizarre Subject: Anticipation Date: 30 Nov 1995 19:07:35 GMT Organization: University of Surrey, Guildford, England Lines: 204 Message-ID: <49kvdn$c3u@info-server.surrey.ac.uk> X-Mailer: Mozilla 1.1N (X11; I; SunOS 4.1.3 sun4c) X-URL: news:talk.bizarre/193140-193239 [airliner] Hey, how're y'doing? Going home to visit the folks for Christmas, then? No. Say, you're a Brit, aren'tcha? I can tell; I got a way with hearing. So, your folks live in the States, then? No. So where in the States do your folks live? Near San Francisco? (I'm from <insert obscure hicksville name here>, myself - just a good ole country boy.) No. They been there long? Betcha been missing them. No. So what did you think of the last Superbowl? Reckon Clinton's got a chance of sorting these HerbyCrate people out? No. [only another eighteen hours of this. Adjusted, of course.] * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [street] Taxi! [enter] Yuswheredyawannago? Downtown, corner of <insert streetname here> and <insert streetname here>, please. Canyousaythatagain? Downtown, corner of <insert streetname here> and <insert streetname here>, please. Ijesluvheeringthataccent. Yunotfromaroundhereareyou? Canyousayitagain? [only another month of this.] * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [restaurant] So where are you from? England. Oh, cool! A Brit! From Scotland! Er, yes. But, you know, I've never liked the way you subjugate your women, and I really have to let you know that straight off to establish a` straightforward, clear and honest relationship with you. That's what my psychiatrist tells me. Oh, and I never have sex on a first date. I'm sorry? Well, look at how you treat Princess Diana... [only another couple of hundred years of this. Viva the New Republic.] * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [DAFT.BOB] Hello, come in, come in, don't mind the weapons search... so, who are you? Bond. James Bond. Hey, that's a pretty convincing Brit accent you've got there. For a moment I almost thought you were a Brit - so who're you with? * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [DAFT.BOB] So, what does the 'H' stand for? Why do you call yourself 'Anthropohedron'? Because I think it's, like, a really cool name. It's really me, just like that great picture of me on my homepage. [turns] And why do you call yourself 'Rimrunner'? Because I think it's a really cool name! [raises voice over screaming flamenco guitar] And why do YOU call yourself '5150'? [strumming stops] Because I think it's a really cool name? Exactly. [Only several more hours of this before heading for Disneyland.] * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [Disneyland] We must ask for identification of nationality before you enter Space Mountain. Ah, British, sir? Er, yes. In the interests of real simulation of the British space effort, would you mind joining the back of the queue again? Then queuing and returning to the back a few times before leaving without actually entering, but paying almost the full amount each time? Thankyou and have a good day. Excuse me? Yes? In the interests of accuracy of simulation, you do explode American schoolteachers, don't you? Of course, sir. Why do you think Disney has been consistently popular with children for generations? Er, cultural brainwashing and the effect of the lowest common denominator? * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [bar] Let me see if I have this straight. You have to be over twenty-one before you can buy stuff called 'Bud' or 'Miller Lite' in this place? Yessirree, good ole US of A laws there. Say, you're not from... Fine, no problem. Now you're telling me that you have a problem with people sneaking in underage because they WANT to buy this stuff? That's about the size of it. So what do they do with the stuff when they've bought it? * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [bar] bottle of Coke, please. Pepsi or Coca-Cola? Not Pepsi. Diet or normal? Normal. Decaf or normal? Normal? Classic, cherry or normal? Er... do you have a menu? Do you want fries with that? * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * [airliner] Hey, how're y'doing? Gone home to visit the folks for Christmas, then? No. Say, you're a Brit, aren'tcha? I can tell; I got a way with hearing. So, your folks live in the States, then? No. So where in the States do your folks live? Near Washington? (I'm from <insert obscure hicksville name here>, myself - just a good ole country boy.) No. They been there long? Betcha going to miss them. No. So what did you think of the last Superbowl? Reckon Clinton's got a chance of sorting these HerbyCrate people out? No. [only another twelve hours of this. Adjusted, of course.] * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * Anticipating the pleasure is the key to having a good vacation. L. booked his holiday flights today. -- <URL:http://www.ee.surrey.ac.uk/Personal/L.Wood/>netboy<L.Wood@surrey.ac.uk> ib