Article: 261380 of talk.bizarre From: ST102315@brownvm.brown.edu (Jake) Newsgroups: talk.bizarre Subject: Warning: "Million Dollar" Virus! Date: Fri, 1 Dec 1995 13:31:48 EST Organization: Brown University - Providence, Rhode Island USA Lines: 40 Message-ID: <firstname.lastname@example.org> X-News-Software: BNN via BNN_POST v1.0 beta Status: O X-Status: Thought you might like to know... The Postmaster General released a warning last Wednesday concerning a matter of major importance to anyone who ever uses the USPS. Apparently, a new paper virus has been engineered by someone at Dartmouth that is unparalleled in its destructive capability. What makes this virus so terrifying, said the U.S. Postal Service, is the fact that no genetic material needs to be exchanged for someone new to be infected. It can be spread through the existing mail systems of the world. Once a person is infected, one of several things can happen. If the person has a sex drive, that will most likely be destroyed. If the virus is not stopped, it can place the person's nervous system in an nth-complexity infinite binary loop--which can severely damage neurons if it is not stopped before long. Unfortunately, most novice mail users will not realize what is happening before it is too late. Luckily, there is one sure means of detecting what is now known as the "Million Dollar" virus. It always travels to new hosts the same way: in a large envelope with the text "You May Have Already Won One Million Dollars" on the envelope. Avoiding infection is easy once the letter has been received--don't read it. The act of opening the envelope releases pheromones that cause a hypnotic-like response as the virus takes over the reader's central nervous system. The virus is highly intelligent--it will force the victim to make copies of itself and mail them to everyone whose mailing address is contained in an address book or on a piece of received mail, if it can find one. It will then proceed to trash the nervous system it has taken over. The bottom line here is--if you receive a piece of mail with "You May Have Already Won One Million Dollars" on it, throw it out immediately! Do not read it! Rest assured that whoever's name was in the return address was surely struck by the virus. Warn your friends and local mail users of this newest threat to their health! It could save them a lot of time and money.