Article: 261524 of talk.bizarre
From: (John J. Allison)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: run, run
Date: 1 Dec 1995 19:20:09 GMT
Organization: Office of Field and Stream Project Support
Lines: 45
Message-ID: <49nkh9$>
Status: O

It was a dark, cold nig
It's a bright, warm night. All the streetlights are on and the
chinooks keep the temperature well above 40F despite the lack of cloud cover.
There is no point in trying to deny the events of the day, but the
winds always makes me kinda crazy. They just throw me off a bit, you know?
I drop my keys repeatedly or I can't make my glasses sit comfortably or
I keep bumping into things. So maybe today didn't really happen. Or it
happened to someone else and not me. My deja vu has been more frequent and
more recursive lately so maybe something *really* freaky took over that
wasn't quite a part of my usual perception of "reality".
There is no point in trying to deny the events of the day, but the
supernatural angle is just too compelling to ignore. You know how they
say that if you drive by Rocky Flats enough times, your hair or your piss
or something will start to glow? Maybe something like that happened to me.
Not Rocky Flats and radiation (altho I have been by there quite often lately),
but maybe the Naropa Institute and aura energy stuff.
There is no point in trying to deny the events of the day, but the
world's been a crazy place lately, hasn't it? Maybe Nostradamus was right.
I don't know; I can't deal with it now. I just want to sleep, to forget
for awhile. Maybe things will have taken care of themselves by morning.
There is no point in trying to deny the events of the day, but the
only way to face up to them is to disassociate. Not like go split personality
or anything, just try and look at things objectively. At that means
separating myself from the myself of today. Sleep won't do it, unless
I'm already asleep and it was all a dream. I need a box in my mind, a nice
little system where I can play with the inputs and see how that changes
things. Where I can study and analyze the situation over and over.
But can I put myself in that box and still stay out here where it's safe
and where I can watch? It's easy to do that with other people, even family
and friends that I supposedly care about. What about with me?
The other options are to get in that box totally and not stay outside at
all, fully participate as the third person. Or break apart the box,
elevating my perception of everyone to my plane. The plane of my reality
where I am in control. Where they would now have control. Where they would
now be real beings and not actors in my waking dreams. Where they affect the
system that affects me.
I have eaten the apple, but I am not God.
, jja