Article: 261419 of talk.bizarre
From: (Thomas I Hopkins)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Date: 1 Dec 1995 23:12:24 GMT
Organization: Organized? Me?
Lines: 75
Message-ID: <>
Status: O


Have you ever felt that you weren't getting what you deserved in life?
Did you ever feel as if opportunities were being taken from you faster
than you could take advantage of them, that friends were disappearing
for no apparent reason?  Did you ever wonder if maybe your entire life
was being manipulated by someone more powerful than you could imagine,
that you were being controlled and directed for the benefit and
pleasure of some sadistic person or creature, somewhere hidden in the

Well, wonder no more!  Here at the Psychic Enemies Hotline we have
gathered together dozens of Guaranteed Live Qualified Psychics, all
whose only aim in life is to make you fail.  Before they were just
cryptic phantoms, and now you can talk to them live in the privacy of
your own home!  But don't take us at our word, listen to what some of
our over 10,000 (TEN THOUSAND!) callers so far have to say:

CALLER ONE:  When my girlfriend of five years broke up with me without
a word only a week before I was going to pop the question, I called
the Psychic Enemies Hotline.  They explained to me that they had seen
what was happening, and decided to save her from me before it was too
late.  They told me how they had put it into her head to run off and
be a blackjack dealer in Vegas, because I was the wrong guy.  Thanks
to the Psychic Enemies Hotline, I know it wasn't my fault!

CALLER TWO: I called up the Psychic Enemies Hotline to get winning
lottery numbers.  I played the numbers they gave me but, they didn't
come up.  I called the Hotline again and they said I must have
misheard them and apologized, and gave me the numbers for the next
drawing.  I played them and lost again.  This continued for several
months until one day I asked them if I should play the birthdays of my
two daughters and they said no, definitely not, but I heard lots of
people laughing in the background.  I pestered them and they
eventually admitted that yes, my daughters' birthdays would come up
that night but that they were having too much fun watching me remain
poor and ignorant to me actually win.  I played the number that night
and thanks to the Psychic Enemies Hotline I won thirteen thousand
dollars, enough to cover my lottery tickets and the Hotline calls, and
still have enough to treat my two daughters to a night out at the
golden arches.

CALLER THREE:  My career as a hog renderer was going nowhere, so I
called the Psychic Enemies Hotline to ask what I should do.  They told
me that I was not suited to being a hog renderer, and that I had
undreamed of talents that I wasn't using.  When I asked what those
talents were, they laughed and explained that they weren't at liberty
to divulge.  I kept pestering them and finally one explained in an
exasperated voice that I was talking to Psychic *Enemies*, and that I
was an idiot if I thought they would give helpful advice, except for
that advice which would cause me more frustration and pain than help.
I threatened to kill myself if they didn't get help me, and they
assured me that I wouldn't do it since I was far too weak willed and
squeamish to do such a thing.  I hung up to peals of laughter that
stung me to the bone.  I tried to commit suicide by taking sleeping
pills but they were right, I wasn't able to go through with it.  I
wound up in the emergency room of the local hospital and was taken in
for three months of evaluation at a local sanitarium.  While I was
there I took up painting and discovered that I had quite a love for
it, and some talent for it.  After being released I took up painting
as a deeper hobby, and eventually quit my hog rendering job to paint
full time.  I am now just about to have my own show at a gallery in
San Francisco, with offers to paint murals and chruches around the
world.  And I owe it all to the Psychic Enemies Hotline!

Yes, you two can have an experience like this talking to our live,
personal Psychics.  Let them tell you what is wrong in your life, why
it is you aren't succeeding at love or life, and possibly why you'll
never succeed, not in a million years, not while they, your Psychic
Enemies, are around to stop you.

Calls cost $5.00 for the first minute, $3.00 each additional minute.
Call now!

-Tom Hopkins