Article: 261592 of talk.bizarre
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: (Mark. Gooley)
Subject: much too much radio
Message-ID: <>
Organization: Dostoyevskian Characters, plc
Date: Fri, 1 Dec 1995 23:36:57 GMT
Lines: 44
Status: O

[Sound: phone-ring as heard over receiver by caller]
 INFORMATION LADY [prim, knowledgeable, confident; filter
 for over-the-phone sound]: This is the National Foundation for Epilepsy.
 ANNOUNCER [male]: Enormous strides have been made in the treatment of
epilepsy, but most people are still in the dark about it.  People
keep calling us with questions, and frankly we're getting sick of
having to answer them.
 KID [male, early teens? nervous]: I, I heard that playing...uh, video
games can bring on a seizure.  Is-- is that *true*?
 I. L. [as before & always]: All kids, including those with epilepsy,
should avoid video games as much as possible.  Seizures are the least
of your worries.  Apart from good hand-eye coordination you'll become
a heap of mindless flab that thinks "combat" starts with the letter "k."
And they *can* send some epileptics right into _grand mal_.  I'd send
you some more information, but you're probably illiterate so I won't bother.
 OLD WOMAN [precise diction; hint of Southern? black? accent]: My aunt
[awwwnt] is eighty, and she takes six different medicines, two of them
for epilepsy and two others illicit.  She also drinks like a fish and
sniffs lacquer thinner.  Recently she's been acting *confused* and
*dazed*.  Is it her age, or is it the medicines?
 I. L.: Well, she *could* be a senile old bag, but it *could* be the
medicines.  Maybe you should check her into a detox program.  Then again,
she might be happier drunk and doped.
 OLDISH WOMAN [bleating voice]:  My son is en*gaged* to a woman with
epilepsy.  Can they ever have a family?
 I. L. [same tone as before]: No.  Never.  Can't happen, shouldn't if
it could.  [Long pause]  Just kidding.  Actually, it should be obvious
even to a halfwit like you that most women with epilepsy have no trouble
with pregnancy and have healthy babies.  I'll send you more information.
 OLDISH MAN:  What really *causes* epilepsy?  I've heard that it's
genetic, it's caused by brain damage in accidents...
 I. L.:  Demonic possession.  That's been well known for centuries.
But one should see a doctor first because priests won't do exorcisms
these days unless all physical problems have been ruled out.  [Pause]
Just kidding.  Actually it could be the things you mention, or even
drug or alcohol abuse in rare cases.  Often the best tests can't even
find a cause.  That's why I like the demonic-possession theory myself.
 YOUNGISH MAN:  I hear that a woman in _grand mal_ is like one giant
human vibrator!  My girlfriend has epilepsy, so how can I bring on a
major seizure so--
[Dial tone]

Mark., I've probably offended numerous people horribly