Article: 261760 of talk.bizarre
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: (Lisa Chabot)
Subject: Re: FTS: Standard Feline/Human Contract
Message-ID: <>
Organization: VMl
References: <>
Date: Mon, 4 Dec 1995 19:46:21 GMT
Lines: 45
Status: O

Jeff Swanson <> wrote:
>                      STANDARD
>                FELINE/HUMAN CONTRACT
>                       (House)
>I, <name of Cat(s)>,
>     c.   I agree to refrain from eating cigarette
>          wrappers, CD plastic, the safety wrapper
>          from the mustard, and any and all other
>          forms of plastic or cellophane, rubber
>          bands, balloons, and any and all other
>          manmade items as I, in my limited mental
>          abilities, may mistake for food. 
>          i.   I also agree to refrain from licking
>               plastic trash bags, Barnes and Noble
>               shopping bags, or any other large
>               plastic open-ended flexible
>               container, or bubble wrap or tape or
>               any other form of plastic, adhesive
>               backed or non-adhesive backed, even
>               though for some weird reason I find
>               them irresistible.

I dunno, Jeff, if I had it all to do all over again, I'd be a lot
more explicit about string, thread, ribbon, and other like-shaped
objects.  It's not clear that Cats of Little Brain can distinguish,
in the heat of the moment, the legal difference between the Completely 
Irresistible String Tie to my Portfolio, and unexpectedly long Mouse Tails.  
Particularly with the Christmas season upon us, bringing with it those 
handy indoor mini-pine trees for climbing and filled with fun kitty toys 
and smashables, not to mention ... dare we say it...*TINSEL*.

In my case I wish I'd added something about glass, and also certain
non-man-made objects--small crunchy rocks, wood chips, sand dollars.
Oh, and hair, particularly while it's still attached to my head (or guests).

However, I did get a real bonus in the areas of land-arthropod disposal,
such as the horrible spiders in the bathtub.
                        "Everyone wants Mr. Toad's Wild Ride!"  (Mallrats)