Article: 261747 of talk.bizarre From: Steve_Humphrey@sage.uucp (Steve Humphrey) Reply-To: Steve_Humphrey@sage.uucp Newsgroups: talk.bizarre Subject: Crisper Than Thou-Thou-Mil-bil-MEg-Shmegg Date: 02 Dec 1995 21:02:57 GMT Message-ID: <firstname.lastname@example.org> Organization: Sage Design Lines: 124 Status: O X-Status: Message 68 11/29/95 14:27 Subject: Re: Solid as a rock.... From: Crisper Than Thou,email@example.com,Internet To: Bizzarre Well, it seems I'm more than a little halfway into this friendly little exchange, and I'm not sure what our friend has proposed here, but I've seldom seen this level of hatred on the net, which is at once refreshing and disturbing. I don't really know what led to all this digital violence, but I'll just crash in anyway and let you all in on my latest venture, the INVERTED PYRAMID SCHEME. As it sounds, the inverted pyramid scheme is top-heavy, unweildly, unprofitable, but rewarding in a number of ways not immediately seen in the short term. The first time it actually reduces the amount of useless information cluttering not only the net, but the world of hard copy, <which some of you interminal geeks may remember as that stuff cluttering your mailboxes -- the mailbox being that thing next to the pizza guy> -- a reduction of bulk mail, junk mail <especially that "we-want-to-be-your-friend" postcard junk mail>, chain mail, etc. -- burn it all in a warming brazier of one-on- one honest-to-fuck personal humanity. <STEP ONE: Perceive others as other than targets for profit- making.> >Nothing like watching your friends betray you one at a time. Barb, everyone you've ever cared for is going to fuck you over sometime between now and Christmas. I forsee suicide by Valium overdose. The inverted pyramid scheme also involves reducing the amount of bullshit cluttering everyone's olfactory ports <I'll let you alkl know that i'm just typiung awy here and not chekin my spelling. And if anyone has a problem with that then I'd say this is not in fact Talk.bizzarre, but ALT.TIGHTASS.SPELLING.BEE>, and in fact involves the deprogramming of those black sheep family members who've suddenly hit a new low as Amway product cultists <I've seen the video, man, you're better off becoming a Branch Davidian -- more dignity>. <STEP TWO: Initiate and maintain actual human relations.> >Keith Johnson <firstname.lastname@example.org> wrote: >>If you don't >>give this a try, then you will always wonder what might have >>really happened if you did. >No, I won't, you fucking moron. >If only it were the first time *anyone* had put it on the net, you fucking twit. >>PLEASE, BE FAIR TO THE PEOPLE ON THE LIST AND DO YOUR PART. The inverted pyramid scheme outright dispenses with short-term profitmaking, because you are in fact actively <though not pro- actively -- i.e. brochure quality shirt-and-tie grinny-grin-grin> sharing with others. The inverted pyramid sharing process in fact involves identifying and addressing the needs other other individuals, as opposed to creating artificial need like a scientologist in search of losers to mold/mould. The short term projection of this is loss, the rewards ultimately come around -- spiritual in the abstract sense, but more practically in that it creates a liveable social environment, where people smile at you because they like you, not out of some glad-handing blind-you-with-the-whites-while-I'm-pumping-out-the- green instinct. <STEP 3: Realize that re-creating oneself as a world-devouring corporation only makes oneself a debt-slaving cog, not a true player. Better to hang with the folks on Saturday. And yeah, get a job.> For further information on the inverted pyramid scheme, consult your own fucking common sense -- i.e. wake up and smell the Amway heavy-duty cleaner, chi'dren...... >>STEP FOUR: Post your newly edited letter to as many different newsgroups > as you wish. >If anyone out there is seriously considering Keith's system, let me inject a voice of reason for a moment: Don't do this step. Seriously. You will never earn the hatred and animosity of so many people so fast again in your life. >> No one >> makes anything if this letter regenerates without any money >> changing hands. >Well, except for enemies. Make plenty of them regardless, Keith. >See you in a few days. >--The Elder Dan >(pyramidally crisper) >Yeah, I'm feeling a little surly. You know, one little rejoinder. As much as people will and are presently trying to profit from the net, I know one little maxim of commerce that may save us all: You can bring the price down, but you can't drive it up for any self-respecting customer. You can't go up from free, so I think we may be safe for awhile. -Steve P.S. Is this what you call "flaming?" Everybody all at once gangs up on one idiotic (or tentative, approval-seeking) newcomer and barrages them with threats and insults? My brother's apparently made it past your selection process, and he informs me that this is what goes down with "newbies". Am I correct, here. Or is this real flaming to come? Is this just a mild glazing?