Article: 261800 of talk.bizarre From: email@example.com (jeff vogel) Newsgroups: talk.bizarre Subject: Oh, you're gonna' love this!!! Date: 5 Dec 1995 00:02:35 -0500 Organization: Rutgers University LCSR Lines: 68 Message-ID: <firstname.lastname@example.org> Status: O X-Status: Alas, I have been away for a while. A combination of lack of ideas and need to finish Exile II in a timely manner have kept me from this little nest of flaming disfunction we call home. But Exile II is out (more on that later), so I have time, and as for material, boy, oh boy, oh boy! Hold on to your seats, ladies and germs, because it's time for the presidential candidate of the Scorched Earth Party to take you on a little fun-house journey I like to call... JEFF VOGEL'S DIVORCE-FEST 95!!!!!!! (tm) Yes, that's right! My disfunctional living hell can now be your gain! Everything must go! (or be split up between us, in a fair, impartial manner) It will be an edifying, education experience for everyone concerned, and you can benefit! Look at the wonderful learning experiences I have to offer ... 1. SEE THE SUPPORT, APPROVAL, AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE THAT ONLY ONE'S FAMILY CAN PROVIDE ... Me: "Hi, Grandma!" Grandma: "Hello, my sinful, wicked demon offspring, born with no respect for the Lord God's most holy sacrament." (hug) Me: "Hi, Grandpa!" Grandpa: "We want our gift back." 2. SEE THE EXPERIENCE OF INTERPERSONAL FREEDOM, AND THE JOY OF BUILDING NEW CONNECTIONS WITH FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS Her: "I hear you're divorced." Me: "Well, getting divorced." Her: "Oh, and when ..." Me: "Soon. Very soon. And I'll be able to move out in the reasonably near future." Her: "Uhhh .... you mean .... " Me: "Well, yeah. But only for a few more months, ... WAIT! COME BACK!" (All incidents based on something resembling Actual Reality (tm).) 3. LEARN THROUGH EXAMPLE HOW TO BE A MORE TACTFUL, UNDERSTANDING PERSON. Lesson one - when your soon to be ex-partner takes off the wedding ring and presses it into your hand, you might be tempted to hand it back, saying "You can keep it as a souvenier." DO NOT, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO THIS! THIS WILL NOT HELP! It is possible (shit, don't I know it), that you might mean this in a kind way. If this happens, you are a VERY STUPID PERSON. 4. LEARN TO DEAL WITH DIFFICULT EMOTIONAL SITUATIONS THROUGH USE OF GALLOWS HUMOR. Alienate yourself from many of those close to you, and scare the living shit out of everyone else! It's real easy! Turn a deep-rooted defense mechanism into actual psychosis! IT'S FUN!!! I know you're slavering with joy at the thought of more of these whimsical musings! Maybe you're so enthused that you've already put me in your kill-file. GOOD PLAN!!! THE WACKINESS IS ONLY BEGINNING!!!!!!!!! - Jeff Vogel Keeper of Exile, and generally well-adjusted guy.