Article: 288655 of talk.bizarre
From: (Johnathan Vail)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: FAT (Froup Aptitude Test)
Date: 1 Dec 1996 21:09:59 -0500
Organization: Tapaboy Newt Institute, Ayer MA, USA
Lines: 197
Message-ID: <>
Summary: Vail to Suck

FAT (Froup Aptitude Test)

SECTION I  --- HISTORY (multiple choice)

(1) What was talk.bizarre originally called?
  a) net.flame
  b) net.bizarre
  d) it was a mailing list: BIZARRE-PEOPLE-REQUEST@PT.CS.CMU.EDU

(2) Which is older?
  a) Kent Paul Dolan.
  b) Dirt.

(3) Kibo is:
  a) a grep utility for news.
  b) a Japanese breakfast cereal.
  c) just this guy in Boston.
  d) a type of fungus that grows between the keys of a keyboard.

(4) What we commonly call "Fail to Suck Day" was originally called:
  a) International Schlock Day.
  b) Time to Hide the Suck-Weasel day.
  c) Life before AOL day.
  d) None of the above.

(5) A [something]t.bob stands for something like
   [something]talk.bizarre Outrageous Bash but it is really: 
  a) A big in-joke perpetuated by oldbies on the newbies to make them
    think there is a group of happy people having fun without them.
  b) A large free for all orgy of sex drugs and Haw flakes.
  c) A workshop on interpersonal development.
  d) all of the above.

Part II: Terminlogy

(1) *plonk* is:
  a) the sound of  a head being crushed under a large anvil.
  b) the sound a killfile makes.
  c) a notation in a followup to signal the intended conclusion of
     a thread that sucks.
  d) all of the above.

(2) Newbies are often asked to:
  a) STFU
  b) go jump in a goddamned volcano
  c) Read, Learn, Evolve.
  d) all of the above.


  a) An air freshener.
  b) A company that makes Oatmeal Cookies and Schlong Oil.
  c) Pronounced "hower-mumble-sol".
  d) One of those things you find in the pool filter of at the YMCA.

(4) The "." in talk.bizarre is:

  a) not pronounced.
  b) is pronounced.
  c) is pronounced "fleek".
  d) Carasso.

(5) It is believed that there is a secret group of people that control the
   activities of talk.bizarre and decide who should post what. In reality:

  a) there is no cabal.
  b) to join the cabal you have to sleep with a member of the cabal.
  c) you don't find the the cabal, the cabal finds you (presumably 
     because of the wit and wisdom and bizareness of your posting).
  d) All of the above.

(6) rim jockeys, suck weasels and cavenewts

  a) Oh My!
  b) coming to a news server near you.
  c) are all newbies in various stages of evolution.
  d) a new kids cartoon.

(7) SPAM is:

  a) A wholly owned subsidiary of the MMF corporation.
  b) A potted meat product produced by the Hormel corporation.
  c) The meat from small pink ferret like creatures.

(8) Rictus Hep is:

  a) The sequal to "The Macerena" dance.
  b) A uniquely bizarre and original fictional character more recently
     reduced to a imitation of Zippy the Pinhead.
  c) The Patron Saint of salad forks.

(9) :-)  is:

  a) a "smiley face" emoticon used on the net to indicate humor or sarcasm.
  b) a fleek meaning "We are all, each of us, alone".

(10) The following diagram shows:

                       | F2
                       | ~

                  /\  __
                 / / ///
              __/  \/XL|_
                     ____)        F1
            ___      ____)        ~
               \_________)   = = = = = = =>
             ____/   |__)
                   | |__)

                       | F3
                       | ~

  a) A free body diagram describing the "Rigler Method".
  b) Chevyn's masturbation technique.
  c) The Cabal Salute.
  d) All of the above.

Part III Essay Questions

(1) Describe the Zen of talk.bizarre.  Spelling and neatness count.

(2) A newbie has just posted the Monty Python "Cheese Shop" sketch to
   the froup.  Flame on!

(3) Write a 4 word post using the words: squat, electric, squeegee,

(4) Write a 100 word story about your life.


You have just read this test as an article in talk.bizarre. Your
response is to:

  a) Followup and flame the author for bad spelling.
  b) Horndog the author or get your sister horncat him.
  c) Post a followup with all your answers with pithy comments.
  d) Send complimentary email to the author, archive the post and send
     high scoring votes to Paul Vader's voting machine.