Article: 288771 of talk.bizarre From: "Candy-Colored Clown" <email@example.com> Newsgroups: chi.personals,talk.bizarre,alt.journalism.gonzo Subject: New!! Environmentally Correct Masturbation!! Date: 3 Dec 1996 04:51:24 GMT Organization: InterAccess, Chicago's best Internet Service Provider Lines: 42 Message-ID: <firstname.lastname@example.org> You hate fur. You love trees. You're a vegetarian. You're Nature's poster girl for the '90's. Then why are you still using plastic sex toys? Polystyrene vibrators may elicit fabulous orgasms, but the quantity of factory smoke and assorted industrial pollutants created during the manufacturing process of these devices is detrimental not only to the environment, but also to our sexual desires. Petroleum-based dildos may be fun for the whole family, but the fish writhing in agony from the chemical runoff are not enjoying themselves. Well--your friends at AgriGasm have just solved your problems! On January 1, 1997, we will unveil our latest line of natural sexual aids for today's women-- Organically Grown Vegetable Stimulators! That's right! No more batteries! No more pollution! We will be offering a full array of VegeStim(tm) products to suit the individual needs of every woman! Whether you're looking for a Reservoir-Tipped Zucchini, a Turnip Tickler, or a Ribbed Artichoke, we'll have the vegetable for you! Special hybrids, such as the Well-Hung CucuMato will have you writhing with ecstasy as you discover new and fascinating ways to pleasure yourself. You may have hated asparagus as a kid, but as a full-grown woman, AgriGasm's Hot AsparagAss will have you begging for seconds! Best of all, every VegeStim product is fully recyclable as fertilizer or mulch! Mary, MaryŚwe KNOW how YOUR garden grows! Place your order before the holidays and receive absolutely free, AgriGasm's companion guide, 'Orgasming The Organic Way,' and a copy of the runaway bestseller, 'Men Can Stay On Mars, Women Can Orgasm From Vegetables!' AgriGasm--"Once you go veggie, you never go back!" -- "A CANDY-COLORED CLOWN THEY CALL THE SANDMAN"