From: (nikolai kingsley)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Ban'ole
Date: Mon, 1 Dec 1997 19:58:45 +1100
Organization: anarchartists/FDP
Lines: 65
Message-ID: <>
X-Newsreader: Anawave Gravity v2.00.753

inspiration sometimes comes from the most unexpected quarters. we had 
been oscillating between outwardly common human forms and the kinds of 
weird shit that you might see in a Cronenberg film; currently, we were 
common human, primarily because we'd received a complaint from Metamorph 
Overview that the federal police were getting spooked by all the reports 
of escaped zoo animals. ah... humans.

anyway. strolling through the suburbs, we passed Banole Street. "Banole. 
heh. sounds like a medical treatment to close over sucking chest wounds. 
you know, 'simply spray on Ban Hole'."

"remember that bit in 'The Naked Lunch' about the man who taught his 
asshole to talk? where it took over and sealed up the guy's face.."

"is this another potential weapon, then?"

"it's been done. parasitic nanotech, makes the top two millimetres of the 
skin into a strong membrane that will pass gases, seals the body inside 
then begins to contract. variable speed, from two seconds down to a week; 
variable pressure sensitivity, so you can simply immobilise a person or 
crush them down to something the size of a baseball."

"i was thinking more of those tcp/ip viruses, you know, it invades the 
host, sets up in the circulatory system, starts putting out one message 
packet every hour. it samples the blood for them, replicates itself 
downstream until it finds a critical number of packets, then forms a 
distributed processing network and takes over the body."

"aww, that is so- "

"i *know* it is - that's part of the humour. imagine the look on their 
face when they decode the mechanism!"

(pause, incredulous look) "and how likely is that?"

"well, hell, we're not doing this for *them*. so, le'see. once it's 
established itself, it could, uh, map the contours of the surface, 
establish the topology, locate the points which are defined as 'holes' - 
anything with an aperture of more than a millimetre, say - and excite 
cell regrowth to close the hole over."

"definition of 'holes'?"

(shrug) "well... in practise, the whole shape is going to be a complex 
toroid. we just have to reduce that to a sphere; pinch the ends shut. and 
speaking personally, i think it'd be better if it happened slowly, say, 
over a period of days. think about it. waking up one morning to find that 
your ears and nostrils had closed up, your eyelids were sealed, your 
mouth was the size of a shoelace grommet and your bladder was about to 

"you are *dreadful*." (pause) "so, who's next on the Weapons Test 
Registry? do we want this to become public knowledge? do we want it to be 

"and you said *i* was dreadful."

they say best men are moulded out of faults
and, for the most, become much more the better
for being a little bad.
 - Measure for Measure