From: (nikolai kingsley)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: baptism wars
Date: Mon, 1 Dec 1997 20:00:08 +1100
Organization: anarchartists/FDP
Lines: 27
Message-ID: <>
X-Newsreader: Anawave Gravity v2.00.753

Consider the next step in escalating conflicts between fundamentalist 
religions: baptism wars. When you can drag someone into your particular 
faith simply by sprinkling holy water on their forehead and shouting 
"hailtheblessedthreeinonevirginofthelordnowandforeverAMEN!" - when you 
can fly a zeppelin over a football field, douse the crowd with whichever 
liquid your faith requires and introduce them to your personal brand of 
salvation via megaphone - then supersoaker attacks as the child is 
lowered into the baptismal font aren't far behind.

While the leaders of orthodoxy argue over how long you have to wait 
before reclaiming the members of the flock so stolen, what rituals need 
to be done before someone has been cleansed of the impurities of their 
previous faith and if their consent is needed, the lower orders can 
concentrate on delivery systems, accelerated prayer recitation devices, 
editing the rituals down to their bare essentials for rapidity of 
invocation, paint-ball guns, registering your particular shade of green 
with the Vatican so that everyone knows that the man on the street with 
the Kelly Green stigmata is one of yours; Tibetan prayer wheels mounted 
on cordless electric drills, revved up to 1400 rpm so you can hear the 
monks chattering away madly, faster and faster until the words blur 
together into the drone of an approaching locust horde...

still miss old bill