From: (Babs Woods)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Care and Feeding of Muses (manual fragments)
Date: Mon, 01 Dec 1997 11:40:50 -0400
Organization: Our Lady of Perpetual Mirth, Pacifica
Lines: 45
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X-Ultra-Time: 1 Dec 1997 16:40:38 GMT
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                        Care and feeding of Muses

        To attract a Muse, put out little gobbets of muse lure.  Muse 
Lure (tm) can be found at all Feed&Grains and all pet stores now, in the
Purina Aisle.  There is a canned paste form, and a morsel form.  Younger
and very old Muses seem to be most attracted by the paste form.  Follow
package directions.  Note that, as the package notes, this works best if
you set the Lure out at night to avoid fussing with it and scaring the
Muse away.  Set it out, retire, hope for the best.

[Marginalia:  Even Tinkerbell eats Muse Chow!]

        There is also Muse Scent (tm) to be used to attract a mating pair
of Muses such that a breeding pack might be generated from them.  Thus
ensuring that Inspiration will not leave you so long as you feed the
Muses and keep them happy.  MusEnsure is good for the Nursing Muse, and
PediaMusEnsure works very nicely for foundlings and younger Muses with
bigger appetites.  (Just set this in a gerbil bottle in their cage and
change every two hours for fresh.  Serve cooled.  Doll bottles with
flexible nipples or eyedroppers must be used for infant Muses.)  Always
have plenty of clean bedding and clean water.  They are quite particular
and can be very fussy.  Natural fibres only.  Many seem to prefer 100%
Cotton.  Some are especially fond of cotton flannelette.  Provide writing
materials, needles and thread (your hair is good), any other supplies
they demand that you can provide them.  Everything must be scaled down
for their use.   

        If not kept happy, Muses have been known to keep people up for
many nights at a turn until they get relief, or drive the person utterly
mad.  They are also quite dexterous and can decide to leave you at any
moment.  They are very adept at opening the cage door.  It is best to
allow them to go, as forcing their return will only make them mad at you.
Muses do not come when called.  They don't take kindly to being browbeaten.
Do not attempt to bribe a Muse.  Bribing or browbeating a Muse results in
the person not being able to tell the difference between a real Inspiration
or Demonic Possession, and may cause unplanned adverse reactions in humans.
This is not recommended.


"Excuse me while I dance a little jig of despair."