From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Babs Woods) Newsgroups: talk.bizarre Subject: Care and Feeding of Muses (manual fragments) Date: Mon, 01 Dec 1997 11:40:50 -0400 Organization: Our Lady of Perpetual Mirth, Pacifica Lines: 45 Message-ID: <email@example.com> X-Complaints-To: firstname.lastname@example.org X-Ultra-Time: 1 Dec 1997 16:40:38 GMT X-Newsreader: MT-NewsWatcher 2.3.5 ==================== Care and feeding of Muses To attract a Muse, put out little gobbets of muse lure. Muse Lure (tm) can be found at all Feed&Grains and all pet stores now, in the Purina Aisle. There is a canned paste form, and a morsel form. Younger and very old Muses seem to be most attracted by the paste form. Follow package directions. Note that, as the package notes, this works best if you set the Lure out at night to avoid fussing with it and scaring the Muse away. Set it out, retire, hope for the best. [Marginalia: Even Tinkerbell eats Muse Chow!] There is also Muse Scent (tm) to be used to attract a mating pair of Muses such that a breeding pack might be generated from them. Thus ensuring that Inspiration will not leave you so long as you feed the Muses and keep them happy. MusEnsure is good for the Nursing Muse, and PediaMusEnsure works very nicely for foundlings and younger Muses with bigger appetites. (Just set this in a gerbil bottle in their cage and change every two hours for fresh. Serve cooled. Doll bottles with flexible nipples or eyedroppers must be used for infant Muses.) Always have plenty of clean bedding and clean water. They are quite particular and can be very fussy. Natural fibres only. Many seem to prefer 100% Cotton. Some are especially fond of cotton flannelette. Provide writing materials, needles and thread (your hair is good), any other supplies they demand that you can provide them. Everything must be scaled down for their use. If not kept happy, Muses have been known to keep people up for many nights at a turn until they get relief, or drive the person utterly mad. They are also quite dexterous and can decide to leave you at any moment. They are very adept at opening the cage door. It is best to allow them to go, as forcing their return will only make them mad at you. Muses do not come when called. They don't take kindly to being browbeaten. Do not attempt to bribe a Muse. Bribing or browbeating a Muse results in the person not being able to tell the difference between a real Inspiration or Demonic Possession, and may cause unplanned adverse reactions in humans. This is not recommended. ==================== -babs -- "Excuse me while I dance a little jig of despair."