From: thwilson@bnr.ca (Diane Wilson)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: howl
Date: 1 Dec 1997 19:13:23 GMT
Organization: the land of the free and the home of the brave can't you tell?
Lines: 101
Message-ID: <65v28j$m13@brtph500.bnr.ca>
Reply-To: diane.wilson@pobox.com
Originator: thwilson@brtph885
why is it that the middle of the night hurts more than any other time?
i'm so fucking sick of being strong blood on the keyboard blood on the
glass this isn't going to be pretty so stop now if you have to
my partner had an eye check-up today she's probably in the early stages of
glaucoma on top of being borderline diabetic and i'm the one who has to be
strong who has to be there for her i get to watch her health crumble and
watch her self-esteem and her independence get taken away by nothing more
than the fact that she's a living breathing human being and nothing fucking
last forever nothing not her not me not fucking anything lasts forever
why won't the tears come why why why why why?
three six nine
goose drank wine
oh the tears monkey chewed tobacco
on the street car line
line broke
i'll be ok i don't have any choice, do i? monkey got choked
they all went to heaven
in a little row boat
how the hell am i supposed to be strong when there's nothing left inside
how the hell many times am i supposed to drag myself screaming back out
of the pit how many times do i have to rebuild myself and why why why do
i have to do it? is there any answer anywhere?
thgin eht fo elddim eht
is the time of demons
what is the point anyway don't tell me i can guess, the point is that there
is no point i just get to go on anyway because there's no choice she needs
me and depends on me and that dependency is something that can tear her
apart and there is no fucking choice because her health insurance depends
on me i can't can't can't can't give up or collapse or be weak and needy
i don't have a choice and that's bullshit and the fact that it's bullshit
still doesn't give me a choice
talk about being a slave to love
sthguoht ruo htiw enola era ew
i do have a choice i can be strong and bear the weight i can care for her and
watch her fade and know that the same thing will happen to me
or i can choose not to do it and do it anyway
now i know what those words mean in sickness and in health for better and
for worse and here i am. who will be here for me when it's my turn? no
answer i know there's no answer so don't even try to tell me otherwise
the tears are stuck again
i'll be ok i have to be ok because the alternative would hurt even worse
the demons of the night
sraef ruo no deef
i did a picture a week ago it's on my web pages in digital nirvana in
the meditations it's called the arid land and it scares me because i
know where inside that picture came from alone adrift nothing in sight
i know where that picture came from
fuck i need to go to bed and try to get some sleep i've got a design
document to write and decisions to make and i have to be strong at work
so that i can continue to be strong for her and it all just sucks the
strength out of me
my cat loves me but she's old and sick and needs me too i can't lean on her
because she's leaning on me so i'll go back to bed and she'll curl up on my
side and remind me that obligations never end
oh the tears
i'll be ok no really it's fucking nothing i'll be ok i'll be ok i'll be
ok no i won't i'll be ok
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originally posted in alt.support.depression, two or three whatevers ago
--
Diane Wilson |
anon-11149@anon.twwells.com | I give people fifth heads.
http://www.lava.net/~dewilson/ | --Kevin Maroney
http://www.acm.org/chapters/trichi/ |