From: (Diane Wilson)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: howl
Date: 1 Dec 1997 19:13:23 GMT
Organization: the land of the free and the home of the brave can't you tell?
Lines: 101
Message-ID: <65v28j$>
Originator: thwilson@brtph885

why is it that the middle of the night hurts more than any other time?

i'm so fucking sick of being strong blood on the keyboard blood on the 
glass this isn't going to be pretty so stop now if you have to 

my partner had an eye check-up today she's probably in the early stages of 
glaucoma on top of being borderline diabetic and i'm the one who has to be 
strong who has to be there for her i get to watch her health crumble and 
watch her self-esteem and her independence get taken away by nothing more 
than the fact that she's a living breathing human being and nothing fucking 
last forever nothing not her not me not fucking anything lasts forever 

why won't the tears come why why why why why? 

                                                         three six nine
                                                       goose drank wine
oh the tears                                      monkey chewed tobacco
                                                 on the street car line

                                                             line broke
i'll be ok i don't have any choice, do i?             monkey got choked
                                                they all went to heaven   
                                                   in a little row boat 

how the hell am i supposed to be strong when there's nothing left inside 
how the hell many times am i supposed to drag myself screaming back out 
of the pit how many times do i have to rebuild myself and why why why do 
i have to do it? is there any answer anywhere? 

                          thgin eht fo elddim eht
                           is the time of demons

what is the point anyway don't tell me i can guess, the point is that there 
is no point i just get to go on anyway because there's no choice she needs 
me and depends on me and that dependency is something that can tear her 
apart and there is no fucking choice because her health insurance depends 
on me i can't can't can't can't give up or collapse or be weak and needy 

i don't have a choice and that's bullshit and the fact that it's bullshit 
still doesn't give me a choice 

talk about being a slave to love 

                        sthguoht ruo htiw enola era ew

i do have a choice i can be strong and bear the weight i can care for her and 
watch her fade and know that the same thing will happen to me 

or i can choose not to do it and do it anyway 

now i know what those words mean in sickness and in health for better and 
for worse and here i am. who will be here for me when it's my turn? no 
answer i know there's no answer so don't even try to tell me otherwise 

the tears are stuck again 

i'll be ok i have to be ok because the alternative would hurt even worse 

                          the demons of the night
                             sraef ruo no deef    

i did a picture a week ago it's on my web pages in digital nirvana in 
the meditations it's called the arid land and it scares me because i 
know where inside that picture came from alone adrift nothing in sight 
i know where that picture came from 

fuck i need to go to bed and try to get some sleep i've got a design 
document to write and decisions to make and i have to be strong at work 
so that i can continue to be strong for her and it all just sucks the 
strength out of me 

my cat loves me but she's old and sick and needs me too i can't lean on her 
because she's leaning on me so i'll go back to bed and she'll curl up on my 
side and remind me that obligations never end 

oh the tears 

i'll be ok no really it's fucking nothing i'll be ok i'll be ok i'll be 
ok no i won't i'll be ok 

originally posted in, two or three whatevers ago
Diane Wilson                        |         | I give people fifth heads.      |                        --Kevin Maroney |