Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: (Scott Dorsey)
Subject: My Tech Support Experiences
Message-ID: <>
Organization: Institute for Boatanchor Studies
Date: Tue, 2 Dec 1997 00:22:06 GMT
Lines: 78

The following are actual transcriptions of telephone calls from the 
"Ask A Neurologist" hotline at Michelson State Hospital:

Caller: I been having trouble thinking now and sometimes I drool.
Doctor: You could have brain damage.  Have you had any problems with
        fine motor tasks like writing?  

Caller: I dunno, 'cause it's hard to do stuff like that, what with the
        blood and all.

Doctor: Blood?

Caller: Yeah, the blood keeps coming out of my head.  I don't know why
        it keeps happening.

Doctor: Umm... did you do anything different?  Was there any trauma to the

Caller: Funny thing, yeah, it started at about the time I put the nails in.

Doctor: Nails?

Caller: Yeah, my hat kept coming off so I put it on with 10d nails.  It's
        much better now.  Do you think this has something to do with my

Caller: I had a headache this morning, so obviously it was the result of
        a massive brain tumor.  My aunt got...

Doctor: A brain tumor?  You know that most headaches aren't caused by 
        anything at all so serious.

Caller: No?  You mean I shouldn't have taken all those sleeping pills?
        The headache might not be fatal?

Caller: I can't do integral calculus.

Doctor: Have you learned integral calculus before?

Caller: Learned it?

Doctor: Yes, like taken a class in the subject.

Caller: But I shouldn't have to learn anything!  I have a brain!

Caller: I think I just had a heart attack.

Doctor: That's serious.  Have you seen a cardiologist?

Caller: What's that?

Doctor: A doctor who specializes in the heart.  I only deal with the brain.

Caller: You mean the heart and the brain are different?


Caller: My cup holder is broken

Doctor: I'm sorry, you have the wrong number.  

"C'est un Nagra.  C'est suisse, et tres, tres precis."