From: "D. Vacca" <>
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Short(ish) Shameful Combat
Date: Tue, 2 Dec 1997 03:31:57 -0500
Organization: All USENET --
Lines: 41
Message-ID: <>
To: David Vacca <>

   When I was a kid, I had an Atari 2600, with the game "Combat."  I also
had parents who lived in a neighborhood that was, for a couple of years
after pretty much all the other parents in the neighborhood got divorced,
temporarily bereft of children.

   Now, "Combat" was my favorite game, even better than "Journey: Escape,"
so the lack of children was keenly felt, as "Combat" did not have a single
player mode.  So, I did what any red-blooded All-American kid with more
ingenuity than friends would have done.

   What I did, of course, was to play "bomber vs. jet squadron" aerial
combat, with two clouds.  I played the bomber, taped the fire button on
the controller for the jet squadron down, held the jet squadron controller
between my feet, and moved my feet randomly.

   I soon became too good at this, and switched to controlling the jets
with the controller held behind my back, and piloted the bomber with my
feet.  I was very good at "Combat."

   Recently, my friend Amy got her old 2600 out of her mother's garage,
and a bunch of us set it up and played many games, including "Combat."  On
"Combat," I ruled.  I explained my old training regimen.

   They were unanimous.  This was the most pathetic thing they had ever
heard of in their life.  It was also dumb.  Controlling the plane with
your feet, indeed.

   So I put the joystick between my feet, and beat them all.

   They took back the "dumb" part.

   It's good to have friends.

David Vacca, frightened of this thing that I've become.

[NNTP trouble prevented me from posting December 1.  Just as well, the
standards are lower on the 2nd.]