From: (Zvi Gilbert)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: device
Date: 2 Dec 1998 01:35:49 -0500
Organization: his truth goes martian on
Lines: 111
Message-ID: <742n45$>
NNTP-Posting-Time: 2 Dec 1998 06:35:51 GMT

"I wish to purchase a device."

"Certainly, sir; it will cost a sum of money."

"Here, look, regard; I tender money in exchange."

"I receive it. As the money is somewhat more in value than is the device
being purchased, I return you the extra amount." 

"...and the device."

"Oh yes sir, the device. Why, here it is."

"It is a pleasing and most adequate device. I thank you for your
assistance in the transaction." 

"Not at all, sir. And of course, by 'not at all', I merely wish to assume
a charming modesty; underneath, I realize, proudly, that the exchange
could not have been effected at all without me." 

* * *

"I must return this device."

"Why, sir, one of our devices? How shocking; and yet, I think, this
attempt is not entirely unexpected. What causes you to return the device? 
Is there fear?" 

"Observe, caution, wariness: this part of the device?"

"Yes, sir?"

"It is discoloured. The device is no longer adequate. It causes a
vituperation; an unseemly thrill; a debacle of immense proportions
radiates from the device!" 

"Calm, good sir, calm; I counsel calm."


"Sir, I, er... yes. This discolouration is perfectly natural as the 
device operates, in its own way."

"Astonishing. I was not told."


"I ponder. Yes, yes. Well, if you assure me it is natural."

"I do, sir. Please be ruled in this by me."

"It terrifies. But. If it is natural, I shall withdraw from your
sales booth."

"It has been a great pleasure, sir."

"I hope circumstances will not necessitate my return."

* * * 

"Excuse me, you there."

"Yes, sir?"

"Did you sell someone a device?"

"I really cannot say, sir. We respect the privacy of our..."

"Haah. This device?"

"Truly, sir, I cannot... well, I notice a discolouration on the... "

"Haa haah. So. Yes."

"You have found me out, sir; how very clever of you, and, I also think,
how indiscreet of me; perhaps I wanted to be found."

"No matter. This visit is purely informational."

"What information can you convey me, sir, free of charge, free in intent?"

"The device has... it has absorbed."

"Oh, sir, how tragic."

"Yes. Haah. Well, I thought you should be informed."

"And he was... not unhappy...?"

"No. No, I think not. Not unhappy at all."

"This pleases me to no end, sir. I am grateful for your looks, your
grunts, your questions, and most of all, your information. Bless you, sir,
you have made me, too, not unhappy." 



"Might I, I mean. Haah. Might I, too, one day, purchase a...?"

"Yes, indeed, sir. Indeed. You know quality. Quality comes in many
finishes and many colours, sir. Please step over here, and I shall

we had a secret, an ATOMIC secret