Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: Bar Band Tales
Date: Wed, 02 Dec 1998 23:57:37 GMT
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Once I played drums in a band.  We were talented, but
still in that pupal band stage where your set is
primarily cover tunes.  It was fun, and our bass player
had connections with a lot of Irish bars in San Francisco,
so we got gigs.

One night we were at the Blackthorn Tavern, playing away,
and we noticed the owner talking with some guy at the bar.
Normally this would not elicit interest, but this guy was
actually wearing a suit, and they both kept glancing at us.

After the first set, Angus the Owner drew Kevin the Bass
Player aside.  Kevin came back to us in a lather. "That Guy,"
he said, "Is The Second Richest Man In Canada."  When we
finished our giggle, he informed us that the SRMIC was
looking for a band to perform, in Canada, before a big
soccer game.  "This is it," Kevin proclaimed.

I was thinking the same thing you are: It's all fun and
games until the "rich guy" tells you that the "audition"
consists of allowing him to fondle you in the bathroom.
But when he wanted to talk with our manager (Kevin again),
and Zeus the Lead Singer, they took a ride around the block
in his chauffeured limo.  Apparently not your garden-variety

(just a side note: drummer never gets the breaks. discuss.)

Excitement and Fear make a tasty cocktail.  This would
be a monstrous break, but if he expected us to perform
more than five original songs, we were in trouble.
Visions of a Colosseal stadium packed with soccer fans
listening to our rendition of INXS' "Don't Change" filled
me with dread.  How would we parlay this experience into
a contract with barely enough material for a maxi-single?
Was it worth the potential humiliation?  In front of
Canadians?  And soccer fans?  I need new sticks!
Oh, sweet Jesus, what are we supposed to do?

So it was a sort of relief when we never heard from him again.

When I am an older distinguished gentleman, I will save
my money so that one day I can hire a limo to drive me to
some smoky club and give the bar band the unforgettable
feeling of being on the brink of opportunity while being
wholly unprepared for it.

"light the lamp and fire mellow
 cabin essence timely hello" - v.d.parks

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