From: David Pacheco <firstname.lastname@example.org> Newsgroups: talk.bizarre Subject: Bender's First Horror Story Date: Wed, 1 Dec 1999 14:21:55 -0000 Organization: NO CARRIER Message-ID: <MPG.email@example.com> X-Trace: 944058005 LGTBT6QCL1799D48CC uk26.supernews.com X-Complaints-To: firstname.lastname@example.org X-Newsreader: MicroPlanet Gravity v2.20.1575 Lines: 111 John Smith was driving down the road at night when suddnely! The car stopped! And it wouldn't go no more! So John Smith said to his wife that was in the car "wait here and I will go and get help." And John Smith's wife said "OK". So there was a light up in the distance so John Smith walked towards it. And all around there was dark forest, and it was scary! But John Smith was not scared! Ha! Ha! he said, "Im not scared"! Finally, he got to the light in the distance. It was a house that looked very scary and dark, with lots of old castle-like things on the walls and some gargoyles. There was only one light, far far up in one of the towers. John Smith knocked at the door. "Hello!" he cried, but no body answered. "Hello!" he cried again, but still there was no body answering. He used the door knocker but it was covered in something very slimy and John Smith didn't want to touch it any more. But when John Smith touched the knocker, the door fell open with a giant creak! All by itself! John Smith said "oh, that's strange, I wonder why the door was unlocked" and then he walked in to the dark house. "Hello" he said again, for the third time in two paragraphs, in spite of the previous lack of success for saying "Hello!". But still that didn't stop him, because he was being very polite. Back in the car John Smith's wife was afraid because it was so dark outside, and she kept seeing strange shadows in the pitch black forest. She turned on the radio and sang a song, because she was so afraid. "Oh where is my husband John Smith?" she said, because that was the name of the song. And suddnely! She thought she heard a voice from the outside of the car that said "He's NEVER coming back!" And John Smith's wife screamed and ran towards the house where John Smith had gone! And John Smith was still inside the house saying "Hello!" and looking for the peoples that lives in the house. And he walked up the giant staircase, and when he got to the top he could go left or he could go right and he said "Hmmm. I wonder which way I should go?" Then finally he decided to go right at the last minute, when suddnely the whole staircase collapsed behind him just as he turned the corner to go right! "Boy, that was lucky?" he said! So John Smith came to a door that had a picture of a skeleton on it, and it was very scary. "I'd better not go in there, because there might be something very bad in there!" said John Smith. But the ghosts inside the room heard him and said "we'll never get him in here to scare him if he is scared by the pictures on the door" so they changed the picture to a bunny rabbit with epilepsy. "Oh!" said John Smith. "Poor bunny rabbit! I will go inside the room to see if the rabbit needs emergency medical treatment for its epilepsy." And so he did. He walked into the room, which was pitch dark, just like the rest of the house. "Hello!" he cried, believing that repetition would eventually get him somewhere. "Is there anybody here?" Suddnely! The lights came on and John Smith saw he was in a room covered in GHOSTS! And they went up to John Smith and shouted "BOO!" and tickled his fancy! But John Smith was not scared at all, because he did not believe in ghosts at all! So the ghosts all left the room and said "How can we scare him if he doesn't believe in us?" Then John Smith went to a door with a picture of a lamprey playing baccarat. "Hmm, I would like very much a quick game of baccarat to take my mind off this scary house, because I am scared it might have a vampire in it." The ghosts who were planning scary things heard this and said "we know a vampire! there lives one here!" So they called up the vampire, who's name was Fred the Vampire, and made him go to the room with the lamprey playing baccarat and sit down at the table, but with his vampire things hidden so John Smith would think he was a normal human been. John Smith liked playing baccarat, but the lamprey was playing baccarat banque against the house, so all John could do was bet on the lamprey's cards. And the lamprey kept losing! So finally Fred the Vampire said would you like to play chemin de fer? And John Smith said "of course!" and so they played for a while and John kept losing to the lamprey! And then finally one time John won and said "Ha! I won!" and then Fred the Vampire said "No, John Smith, I WIN!" and he took off his mask and he was a vampire! And John Smith was so scared and he ran out of the room and down the staircase and out the door and standing there at the front door was his wife who was screaming too! And John Smith said what is the matter? and John Smith's wife said look in the mirror! And so John Smith loked in the mirror and realized that from the shock his teeth had turned completely white! So John Smith and John Smith's wife ran out of the house and got into the car and drove away as quickly as they could and didn't stop! Until they reached a gas station up in the distance and they stopped and got out of the car and went up to the gas station persons and said "we are so scared! We just came out of the scary dark house down the road! And the gas station persons said "Oh, that old house? That's the Old Evil Mr. Johnson house." And John Smith said "when did he die?" and the gas station persons said "oh no, he still lives there but now he thinks he's a VAMPIRE!" TUN TUN TAAAAAAAAAAAAAN! THE ENB! -dp.