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From: "Markian M. Gooley" <>
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Subject: FTSD: types
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Date: Wed, 01 Dec 1999 18:44:41 -0500
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NNTP-Posting-Date: Wed, 01 Dec 1999 15:40:58 PST

Types (found in my handwriting on a ragged piece of shelf
paper torn off a roll):

I. Yootoo

Glabrous.  Strongly reductive.  Tuned to the pentatonic scale.
Much admired in the Maritime Provinces of Canada.  Sometimes
pelagic.  Feed it sticky buns.

II. Wooffle

Bohemian, iconoclastic, and organometallic.  Has been used as
sound insulation in Africa.  Regulated in the USA by the Department of
Energy.  Malleable.

III. Micofiche

Glaucous, hemispherical.  Eclectic.  Often fed to waterfowl.
Funny, it doesn't look Jewish.  Ironclad.  On a darkling plain.

IV. Lubricot

Crotch-high.  Not to be exposed to radiation sources over one
micro-Curie, or to sugar alcohols.  Hide it from the kids.
Venerated in Malta.

V. Giglipouff

Sings light opera.  Ductile.  Cut only in a reducing atmosphere.
Cunning.  Avoid heavy-metal exposure, and keep your powder dry.

VI. Meouch

Does skilful blepharoplasties.  Resonates at 256 Hz (middle C
on the scientific scale), at least on tuesdays.  Too big for
its britches.  Use lead-free solder only.

VII. Madderkard

Enriches soil more than some buried Caesar.  Carminative.
Under the influence of alcohol.  Puppies bark for it.  Good
source of inositol and stock tips.  Unintimidated.

VIII. Sangkert

Globular, hirusite.  Odious.  Applies to Yale frequently.  Above
suspicion, beneath contempt.  Use #12 AWG low-oxygen copper wire
to hook it up.  Don't bump your head on the trim crank, either.

IX. Loclummun

Vapid.  May combust spontaneously.  Listed in Who's Who.
Benthic.  Collaborative.  Misogynistic.  Definitively not
a lady.  None of your business.  Supply with wet steam at a
steady 15 pis; use anti-foaming or secret agents, man.

X. Alberthan

Needs regular feeding with lard.  Chants.  Avoid using latex
products nearby.  If you're happy and you know it, clap your
hands.  Use carborundum bits at a minimum, and not over 180
rpm even with dust abatement.  Hypomanic.  Registered with
the Pennsylvania Department of Agriculture.  Definitely

XI. Ciaodown

Supercooled.  Variegated.  Frogmen invoke it before long dives.
Chosen by nine out of ten dentists for their patients who chew
gum. Bromated.  Sealed for your protection.

XII. Helodahli

Thermoplastic and recyclable.  Azure.  Must be hand-washed.
Anisotropic, and grows annoyed when near items with a higher
modulus of elasticity.  Apologetic.  Fun for the whole family.

XIII. Getstuft

Contains petroleum distillates.  Avoid contact with mucous
membranes.  Deciduous except in frost-free climates.  Rugose. Oscillates
when exposed to bright light.  Not valid where
prohibited by law.

XIV. Scubidu

Margins are entire.  Attempts to imitate Rod Stewart.  Needs
more salt.  Makes strange noises in the night.  Incorporeal.
Meditative.  Lemon-scented.  Proustean and protean.

XV. Ecchsvee

Thermolabile.  Drives a Maserati.  Foam-filled.  Tax-
deductible in most countries -- consult your accountant.
Terebinthic.  Has been used as shaving cream in Tasmania.

XVI. Keryon

Mystifies endocrinologists.  Believed to be a bigeneric
hybrid.  Works and plays well with others.  Resinous.  Fond
of sex and violence.  Tempered steel is as nothing to it.
Inspires many graphic artists.  Follows you everywhere.

XVII. Floghurt

Malicious yet charitable.  Fond of carbon-arc lighting.  Easily
confused by dialects of Spanish.  Has more freckles than you can
shake a stick at.  Heartbreaking.  Glutinous.  Ultramontane
opinions.  Do not feed between mealtimes.

XVIII. Batsmaroon

Aromatic, not aliphatic.  A nuisance in brackish waters.
Parthenogenic.  Frightened by most Canadians.  Easily
captured using creme brulee as bait: use a steel leader
of not less than 60-pound test.  Not as young as it used
to be.  An accomplished pianist.  Wears fedoras, ascots,
jackboots.  Missing.

XIX. Farghank

Wounds my heart with a monotonous langour.  Has heavy rhodium
plating.  Rides in charabancs.  Wistful.  Emits negative ions,
charging nearby atmosphere.  Flattened.  Carmine.

Mark., oy