From: "nikolai kingsley" <>
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: 's'a bleedin' wossname
Date: Fri, 1 Dec 2000 04:11:40 +1100
Organization: Monash Uni
Lines: 52
Message-ID: <newscache$8nku4g$wh9$>
X-Trace: 975603844 18975 (30 Nov 2000 17:04:04 GMT)
X-Priority: 3
X-MSMail-Priority: Normal
X-Newsreader: Microsoft Outlook Express 5.00.2919.6600
X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V5.00.2919.6600

This was back when Nigel was on the manor. He got done so often he decided
he might as well get 'job as prison librarian, he spent more time in the
chokey than out. Well, this left his employer wif a bit of a problem,
vis-a-vis no Nigel, no courier.

We was shipping pornographic video tapes in those days. Nigel would visit
our artistic friends in New Jersey and come 'ome wif licenced originals from
which we were allowed, nay, contractually obliged to make many copies of and
sell over 'ere. Owld Bill don't take kindly to this. Banned 'em and Nigel,
caught bringing in four suitcases full of VHS cassettes, got his first three
months inside. He said 'e didn't mind, as 'e allowed it was a fair cop, but
I could tell 'e didn' like it. Passus 'at bottle.

We had a bit of a re-think at that point. While we was playing with some of
the computer video editing gear, we decided to take advantage of the advent
of DVD players and sell discs instead of tapes. We'd set it up and had it
all ready for Nigel to take up 'is old job, but this time he'd be shifting
boxes of twenty compact discs. We had another think about it and got our
friends in New Jersey to encrypt the files on the DVDs. They didn't have
covers when Nigel was bringin' 'em over; the covers were stored on the
discs, and were encrypted with the rest of it. Owld Bill didn't like it; he
couldn't prove they was pornographic, 'cos he couldn't tell what was on the
disks. We actually sold 'em like that, gave the punter the key to decrypt it
when they got it 'ome. That way we could say we weren't sellin' pornography;
it weren't pornography when it left the shop, and what the punter does with
it when 'e gets it' 'ome is 'is own business, right? Bottle.

The next time Owld Bill put the finger on us, I went in to 'ave a chat. They
knew me.

"It's like this, Detective," I sez, "We are selling the Previtera 2000
Random Number set. Strictly educational, four disks, one file per disk,
random numbers, lots of 'em. Six hundred and fifty megabytes of straight up,
no worries random numbers. They'll see you right. If some perv wants to
change the files then that's not our product any more. Not our bovver."

Well, of course 'ey 'ad to let me go. 'S a bleedin' wossname, innit. Wanna
buy some CDs?

hopeless posession the
splendour of nightmare
sacred infection
wholly indelible as
pure as my cruelty
- shriekback, 'hubris'