From: "nikolai kingsley" <>
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: ftsd. it's a living.
Date: Fri, 1 Dec 2000 04:09:02 +1100
Organization: Monash Uni
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"I'm sorry we don't have time to do this properly, but they're going to bolt
down the doors in twelve hours and I have to be back, with this finished,
before that. Don't worry about trying to sound sinister or anything. We're
after clarity. Don't worry about mispronouncing anything; we can edit it

"So, just read them one after another?"

"A subtle pause between them might be a nice touch. Give the editor
something to look for when the recording gets chopped up into pieces."

"Uh, okay, um, 'Please wait for the system to come on line.' 'System is now
on line.' 'System failure. Please call customer service.' 'Searching for
standard references.' 'Standard references located, accuracy match
dollar-sign F.' Dollar sign?"

"Variable name, I guess. In the trash-80 days, we used to call it 'string'."

"Whut-evurr. 'Enter target coordinates', 'Confirm target coordinates',
'Launch sequence confirmed', 'Intruder alert on level doll- uh, string J',
'Warning: reactor core breach in string T minutes', 'System is off-line',
'Please enter your registration key', 'Please re-enter your registration

... 'Nevermore', 'Give me a cookie', 'Half moon tonight. Better than no moon
at all', 'One of your imps does a great impression of you. He can even do
the ears', 'Please replace colour ink cartridge in device X string',
'Warning! Error message unavailable'...

...'Inode has zero dtime', 'I'm sorry, Dave, I'm afraid I can't let you do
that', 'Self-destruct sequence confirmed', 'Down, not across',
'Self-destruct in string D', 'Run like fuck'. Is that all of it?"

"That's all we need. Thanks."

"Two... two... two..."
hopeless posession the
splendour of nightmare
sacred infection
wholly indelible as
pure as my cruelty
- shriekback, 'hubris'