Message-ID: <>
From: James Waldby <>
Organization: SD
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Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: FTSD: Oldbie Construction Kit
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Date: Fri, 01 Dec 2000 06:51:44 GMT
X-Trace: 975653504 (Thu, 30 Nov 2000 22:51:44 PST)
NNTP-Posting-Date: Thu, 30 Nov 2000 22:51:44 PST

   Connect-the-Dots t.b Oldbie Construction Kit Kit

How often does this happen to you?  You write a thousand
weird words of bizarrely polished prose, the wonker's
apex of artistry, the calumniation of your skills
... and up pops some old geezer who pots you one: "You
twat dibley!  Don't you know a pu dihksum de honk bang!?
Shornk!" and there you are, out in the cold again, hung
out on the line to dry while everyone else claims to
have a laugh at you, at your own expense.

Well, you don't have to take it anymore!  You don't have
to let them put their thumbs in your pockets anymore!
Instead, *you2* can shove it with the best of them.

Be the first on your isp to own and operate the
"Connect-the-Dots t.b Oldbie Construction Kit Kit,"
brought to you by The Improve The Improve t.b Committee
TM.  This kit kit is guaranteed to give you, yes you,
every time, a result!  Not one of those namby bambi
little love feasts of a thought; not one of those eekie
treekie sly change-wrung slide-word-A-into-slot-B-3-times
mashukas; not one of those fake wonkeymonkey fake fake
ads, not one of those freddily quaint little
chunkies; no, none of that shit!  But instead, a real,
live, two-fstd missive like the one you've always wanted
to pretend to write, just like your gramma used to do!
Such as: Samson paused for effect until the applause
died down. "Thank you, thank you!" he cried.  "For my
final act, I'm going to push on these pillars."

You can order your Connect-the-Dots t.b Oldbie
Construction Kit Kit right now!  We have Trained
Operators standing by ready to take your order, and the
first 2 callers can have their choice of pink- or
purple-painted anvils as a free token of appreciation.
Just send 77 of the largest legal tenders you can get
your hot little hands around, to each of the names at
the bottom of this list.

You get immediate world-wide delivery, straight from the
I.T.I.T.B Committee TM to you.  After we've got your
money, you won't have to wait around for your kit to
arrive.  Just send 77 big ones to I.T.I.T.BC.TM and we
will hit the spot.  Usual disclaimers apply.  Must be
over 81 to purchase.  Not for the feint of hart.  Get
your witchdoctor's approval before trying this or any
other rad self-improvement program.  All orders final.
Be sure to designate I.T.I.T.BC.TM as a bennie in your
will before you order.  Not responsible if you can't
count.  Not responsible for collateral damage,
misspellings, or unexpected results in nuke-free zones.
"Participate or else" contract terms apply.
Please, read the following only if you decide to turn
down our generous offer.
Whereever you are, we know where you are, and will
deliver your kit right there, by "air mail".  Yes, let
me repeat that!  We know where you are!  No need to send
your address, no need for all those clumsy coordinates.
And the delivery is already scheduled!  But at the
moment, there's an anvil on the launch pad in place of
your order.  Hurry and order While You Still Can.

"are you the stuck up pompous ass of the group that everyone
supposedly hates but secretly admires?" --