Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: FTSD: The Sitting God of Discourse
Date: Fri, 01 Dec 2000 13:46:05 GMT
Organization: - Before you buy.
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Draggy Rabbly, star-washed nebular bastion of masculine pulchritude,
shazi who fell for that FREE LARD pyramid scheme, trinken und rauchen
until he was spiritually clean.  Frantic in his need for fresh kill on
the most august day of december, he exhibited his naked behinds in
ritual abnegation to The Discourse. He effulgated lightly as he
assembled the immense proportions of his bulk at the keyboard.

But nothing came to mind.

Was he doomed to write nothing more than slobject doggerel?

Analexed and dysmorphed, there ain't no drug for what Draggly Rabbly has
got. It's a bad stellar condition of the brain. Sighing, he makes his
way through dilaudid and a small copse of buttass trees, to the
remarkably commode-like throne of the Sitting God of Discourse, who at
the moment happens to be a third-year nursing intern named Jennifer who
is a Pisces and likes torturing cute, wide-eyed furry mammals, and long
walks on the beach.

By coincidence, She was in.

He hoped She didn't mention his incessant spammage on

"FYI, 0 thou clueless newbie," She begins, "you have got it all
wrong.'Infarction' now means 'paintbrush.''Replicate' now means 'anus.'
'Queer' and 'faggot' have both been replaced by 'Wuuuuuuuuuuudaddy' and
'morebief2U,' respectively. Why, dint We just the other day get a CFP
for A Gander at the Gendarme's Greasy Gender?  We (that's the imperial
We) no longer agree with current interpretations of the Bible, so We
X'ed out all the words. You'll find it much improved. "Bulch, Fulch,"
She continued, as She assumed a more boobjective vantage. "You want
kennerel rampant with ochocked spracklepumps tittivision? Is this some
sort of industry jargon for Holz vor der Hutt'n?  Big Beer Ball Nuts
Milwaukee.  Why want to trifurcate the anathesis?  Stickle is no longer
what sticklers do."
        "Y'see, Draggly, you are no longer in control of the meaning of
language, even tho you are a translation theorist--or prehaps especially
bekuz. You have become the objectified abject sublime object. What do
you have to say about THAT?"

        "As a Person About Whom Nothing Whatsoever is Titular," began
Draggly Rabbly," I can tell you that dogmeat is very very gamey, and you
will need quite a bit of barbeque sauce."

        "They say," She said, "just use the facts, let's all use a
narrow bloodless protocol. What say you now, prescriptivist miscreant?"

        "Uhh, I've always heard that reactionary dogma packs a killer
buzz," replied Draggly Rabbly.

        The Sitting God of Discourse flounced,
        "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! Nonsense is as meaningful, and twice as
musical! This word means this. That word means recombinant. When we are
at conference, sanitized by our vertical, theoretical,
health-insurance-havin distance, we may say 'scrotum' and 'incest' with
fruity and wild abandon, like Dekes at a kegger. But e-publish a nasty
ditty, and you've got the sysops rolling the rock aside. Now, in the
bright full-throttle light of Blue Meaninfulnessfulnesslessnessless, we
can *NEVER* disempuss the writer, outcogitate the meaning."

Now I ask you, is incinerating one's breakfast on the stoop a crime?


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Before you buy.