From: babs woods <firstname.lastname@example.org> Newsgroups: talk.bizarre Subject: FTSD: santa Date: Sat, 02 Dec 2000 21:04:43 -0500 Organization: Our Lady Of Perpetual Mirth, Pacifica Lines: 42 Message-ID: <babs-81568A.email@example.com> X-Trace: DWnU/bcw4UzLbtkyG60aE51RKjjL9vyx6IzB1+vtxWQ= X-Complaints-To: firstname.lastname@example.org NNTP-Posting-Date: 3 Dec 2000 02:04:44 GMT User-Agent: MT-NewsWatcher/3.0 (PPC) Return-Path: email@example.com Delivery-Date: Sat Dec 2 17:16:30 2000 Return-Path: <firstname.lastname@example.org> Received: from imac.funhouse.com (imac.funhouse.com [220.127.116.11]) by funhouse.com (8.8.8/8.8.8) with SMTP id RAA29582 for <email@example.com>; Sat, 2 Dec 2000 17:16:30 -0500 (EST) From: babs woods <firstname.lastname@example.org> To: email@example.com Subject: santa Newsgroups: talk.bizarre Organization: Our Lady Of Perpetual Mirth, Pacifica User-Agent: MT-NewsWatcher/3.0 (PPC) Date: Fri, 01 Dec 2000 20:22:36 -0500 Message-ID: <babs-7126AE.firstname.lastname@example.org> Santa, that perverted elf on steroids. If he's an elf, why is he so big? Is he really an elf? He's a freak if he is an elf. Who is he, really? Was he adopted by the elves as one of their own long ago in the mists of time, his true lineage simply never really known? What does he do with the rest of his year? We've been told for years that he evidently spies on children so he knows their behaviour all year long. That's scary stuff, to know he stalked us as kids and he and his minions are stalking our kids. He comes into kids' houses and what does he do? Does he touch those kids?! I mean, just *why* is it he really goes only to houses most likely to have kids? Oh, I know what his PR people say, we all know. If he touches my kid I'll take his hand off! I've got my double-barrelled shotgun ready and I'm standing by the kid's bedroom doors listening for the clatter of roof damage by the hooves of the reindeer-slaves he uses on his bizarre forays that one night of the year, and listening for the cacaphony of bells on that sleigh thing he has them drag all over the planet all night, as he perches it precariously on my roof, and I'll be listening to his screams when he comes down the chimney not expecting the spikes, knowing that he's NOT touching my kid. If he comes near us I'll blow his jolly head off. Then the reindeer will be free and my offspring safe for another year. I can sleep in the next day. This is all worth the coal in my stocking every year.