how i spent my xmas vacation

    I glanced around the cabin--only about half the seats
were taken.  Still, there were enough people here that
widespread panic would cause serious havoc, so I hesitated.
I looked out the window again to double check.

    It's an odd experience flying at night when there's no
moon out.  I could see where the tip of the left wing was from
the white light on it, and I could just faintly make out
the part of the wing next to me, and the engine to the back of it.

    At least I could see pretty steadily, not like Shatner
peering through the rain at the monster tearing at the
airplane wing.  I don't know why he had had such good lighting
though.

    And now looking out again, I could still see what appeared
to be smoke coming out the back of the engine--hard to tell
under the lighting conditions, but it definitely looked
different there.

    And then I looked around again, and then up at the call
button.  But what was I going to do, announce to a flight
attendant that one of the engines was fried?  Or maybe tell
her to look out the window?  Right.  The people in the cabin
would love that.

    After a time I decided I had better do something about it,
no matter what.  I got up, and walked to the back of the plane.
One of the flight attendants was there, and I told her about
what I had seen.  She snuck a look out one of the windows, and
said she couldn't really tell, but she'd better call the pilot.
She opened up the intercom and told him, and then we could hear
him and the copilot checking it out.  I caught a comment about
"pressure does look a little low", and then one of them said,
"here, why don't I..." and then there was a sudden jolt and I
was thrown forward and down to the left and the passengers
started screaming.

    A female voice came over the intercom.  "Please, everyone,
stay in your seats.  There is nothing to panic about.  We will
be returning to level flight in just a fe..."

    And then there was total darkness.  And total silence.

    "So this is death," I thought to myself.

    Then the darkness rose like a curtain, revealing brightness
everywhere.

    "Welcome back to the land of the living," a voice said.

    I looked around; looked at the helmet beside me, and the
geeky scientists around me, and the gloves I wore on each hand.

    "I've seen pretty impressive flight simulators in my time,
but that experience takes the cake," I said.

    One of the geeks grinned at me.  The other had a rather
somber look.

    "So how did I do," I asked the serious one.

    "Do you have to ask?" he replied.  "The plane went down."

    "But there was nothing I could have done."

    "Sure there was.  I'm afraid your application to be an
airline passenger has been rejected."

    I stared at him, dumbfounded.  I shuffled out the door.
I couldn't believe it.  I had come all this way for nothing?
Instead of travelling in comfort and style, relaxing, I was
going to continue to have to travel the country the hard way,
doing all the work myself?  Feh.  Morons.

    Flight plan approved, I hopped in my Cessna for the trip home.
The wife would not be pleased.