Article: 261315 of talk.bizarre
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
From: gooley@netcom.com (Mark. Gooley)
Subject: too much radio
Message-ID: <gooleyDIs8Lp.291@netcom.com>
Summary: the same ads run over and over and over
Organization: Dostoyevskian Characters, plc
Date: Wed, 29 Nov 1995 02:08:13 GMT
Lines: 36
Sender: gooley@netcom18.netcom.com

VOICEOVER [or whatever you'd call him]: What would *you* do with *more
 energy*?
1ST WOMAN [perky]: I'd wet my bed!
1ST MAN [matter-of-fact]: I'd beat up my wife!
2ND WOMAN [musing]: I'd toss someone's pet bunny into boiling water.
VOICEOVER: We're out on the street again for "Insana," the unnatural
 leguminous supplement, asking people what *they'd* do with *more energy*!
2ND MAN [enthusiastic]: I'd screw my neighbor's wife!
3RD MAN [equally so]: I'd screw my neighbor's Dobermans!
3RD WOMAN [businesslike]: I'd clean out the company bank accounts, cut
 my boss's throat, and fly off to Rio!
4TH MAN [folksy]: I'd take my rifle and lotsa ammo atop a building and
 shoot people at random!
4TH WOMAN [prim]: I'd tie my third-grade class to their desks and beat
 them to death with a piece of rebar.
VOICEOVER: "Insana" is the all-unnatural leguminous supplement that builds
 energy by helping your body utilize nitrogen better, just like leguminous
 plants do.
!ST WOMAN: Nitrogen, huh?  That means I can live entirely on junk food and
 not worry about protein deficiency!
4TH MAN: With that much nitrogen I'll be pissing explosives!  Heck, I
 might even blow up all on my own!
VOICEOVER: Take "Insana," and watch *your* energy levels increase!  So,
 what would *you* do with *more energy*?
5TH MAN [pseudo-Russian accent]: I would start a pogrom.
5TH WOMAN [beauty-pageant contestant]: I'd commit genocide.
6TH MAN [Hitler imitation]: I would start a Fourth Reich that will last
 for ten thousand years!  I would begin by-- [he is cut off]
7TH MAN [heavy Louisiana accent]: I'd sing some Cajun Palestrina.
[A small CHORUS with powerful Cajun accents starts singing a snippet of
 the _Missa Papae Marcelli_ or the like; fade for...]
VOICEOVER: "Insana!"  Available at all health food stores!  A product
 of Mindless Body, Incorporated.

Mark., and so my mind rots away in the bleakness that is Montana
gooley@netcom.com