Article: 288684 of talk.bizarre
From: monolith@blkbox.com (Andrew Solberg)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: The Jizz Report 12/1/96
Date: 2 Dec 1996 04:44:33 GMT
Organization: The Black Box, Houston, Tx (713) 480-2686
Lines: 259
Message-ID: <57tmri$plk@news.blkbox.com>
NNTP-Posting-User: monolith
An excerpt from:
W H A T T O E X P E C T
When You're
E X P E C T I N G
An
A B O M I N A T I O N
*****************************************************************
Chapter 3: Your Developing Monster
THE NIGHTMARE BEGINS: Conception to Week 4
Around day 14 of your cycle, an egg is released from one
of your ovaries. The fringes at the edges of the Fallopian
tubes propel the egg into the reproductive tract, where it
is now vulnerable to the merciless assult of the Dark Seed
of Tssug the Many-Armed.
Once fertilized, the egg drifts gently to the uterus and
implants itself in the uterine lining. The growing impkin
will take sustenance from the mother's bloodstreem -- sometimes
by direct absorbtion of nutrients, but more frequently through
use of its small-yet-sharp prenascent claws and fangs.
QUESTION AND ANSWER: 'AM I DOOMED?'
Many new mothers fear the cataclysmic orgy
of rending and tearing that birthing the
spawn of Evil will entail. In the early
weeks of your pregnancy, you may experience
doubts about your ability to mother a monster,
carry a darkling to term, or survive extreme
pelvic trauma. These fears are perfectly
normal, but will soon pass. As you grow into
your role as a vehicle for global annihilation,
you will soon come to anticipate the birthing
event with a bloodthirsty eagerness. Praise
Tssug the Many-Armed! IA! IA!
WHAT HATH WE WROUGHT?: Weeks 5 Through 8
Week 5: * The embryo has fully functioning gills.
* It has a simple brain and nervous system.
* Four shallow pits have appeared on the head. These will
later develop into eyes, ears, mouths, or other organs
beyond the ken of Man.
* The embryo has the beginnings of a jaw, fangs and poison sacs.
* The stomach and chest are developing. The heart can be seen
as a large bulge at the front of the chest; by the end of the
week it will start beating. A short while later, it will stop.
* Four tiny limb buds have developed, but the suckers will not
be visible until later.
Week 6: * The embryo is now the size of an apple seed, but already it
can kick your ass.
* The embryo still has a tail. It might go away. It might not.
Do not second-guess the Dark Seed of Tssug the Many-Armed!
* The mind is still poorly developed, but already it feels
hate towards those who would oppose it.
* You may experience urges to drink or smoke. These urges are
coming from the embryo; already it knows what it likes. Do
not oppose the will of the diabolic entity growing inside you.
Week 7: * The head looks large and is bent on to the chest. A face is
forming, but not one any mother could love.
* The eyes are on the sides of the head and still sealed, but
even now they burn with the inner fire of a dark and malignant
intelligence.
* The arms and legs are clearly visible, with clefts at the end
which become fingers and toes if you're lucky.
* The outline of the demon's nervous system is complete, and vile
schemes of world domination already echo through your embryo's
tiny mind.
* The embryo is now the size of a small grape -- a grape that
shall one day ROCK THE WORLD. Praise Tssug! IA! IA!
Week 8: * The embryo can now be called a 'fetus', which means 'Harbinger
of Doom'.
* A face is recognizable -- a cruel face; the face of our Master.
* All the major internal organs are fully developed, with a few
unusual additions.
* The tentacles have descended.
* The Abomination moves around a lot, although you can't feel him
yet. Just wait until he gets his bones firmed up, though. Ho ho.
*Then* you'll feel him.
QUESTION AND ANSWER: 'WHAT ABOUT TWINS?'
Sometimes the Host Mother develops twins
or even triplets, for the Dark Seed of Tssug
is fecund and takes what it wants. However,
there is little danger of multiple Sons of
Shaitan being born upon the earth. The forming
fetuses are already aggressive and swiftly
initiate hostilities. Most often the strongest
embryo survives after a brief struggle, but
conflicts have been known to continue through
the second trimester as the vicious ur-Fiends
play games of cat-and-mouse throughout your
pelvis. On rare occasions, two fetuses
survive harmoniously for several weeks, but
the dominant darkling will invariably devour
its brother in its unceasing quest for blood
and destruction.
THE CENTER CANNOT HOLD: Weeks 9-12
The Enfant Terrible looks much less human. The discomforts of early pregnancy
will begin to wear off, only to be replaced with the discomforts of harboring
a bloodthirsty fiend the size of a chicken's egg. You may still be emotional,
lashing out at loved ones with blunt instruments. You will need to urinate
less -- such is the Dark Power of Tssug the Many-Armed!
* The fetuses' external ears are well developed, so beware of voicing
seditious thoughts.
* Tiny fingers and toes have formed. Larger fingers and toes, already
weeks ahead of their smaller siblings in development, will devour the
new digits. Thus is the cycle of the perversion of nature renewed.
* Your breasts will feel heavier. This is the way he likes you.
* Get in the habit of always standing straight. It won't help you any,
but you should appear proud before the adoring worshippers.
* You should start to notice weight loss. You should steadily lose
body mass to your parasite's gluttony at the rate of several pounds
per month. If, close to pregnancy, you are not a dessicated husk,
alert your health care provider.
QUESTION AND ANSWER: 'WHY MUST I KILL?'
There is an unquestionable link between mother-
hood and the urge to kill. Do not be concerned;
this is perfectly natural. Your growing finkboy
requires the release of fear and agony that only
premeditated murder can provide. Do not deny him
the sadistic stimulation his misdeveloping body
requires. Remember: now you're killing for TWO.
As in all things, remember moderation! Do not
arouse the suspicion of the authorities with a
noticeable rash of beheadings or flayings in the
ritual manner. Avoid overindulgence, taking part
in only the most grisly and violent of massacres.
Naturally, an exception should be made for all
worshippers of Shakul Pain-Bringer -- these must
be slain at all costs, that accursed Shakul's
body might be infested with maggots when Tssug
the Many-Armed's hosts are victorious on the
Shattered Plains. Hail Tssug! IA! IA!
FEAR AND LOATHING BEHIND THE ABDOMINAL WALL: Weeks 13-16
Now into the second three months of pregnancy, you should be feeling
healthier and more energetic than in your first trimester. Don't be fooled;
you're still doomed. In these weeks, the last vestiges of thought of
rebellion should slip from your mind; even now does the Dark Seed of Tssug
take root in your thoughts as well as your belly.
* Your pregnancy starts to show as a gentle rounding of the stomach.
Occasionally your imp's crest will bulge across your abdomen, not
unlike a shark cruising for hapless swimmers.
* His head looks too large for his body. If you think this will
change, you are sadly mistaken.
* The Loathesome One has a fine downy hair on his face and body.
This is known as lanugo, and serves no known purpose. Later,
when the child is born, these hairs will strengthen and be used
to snare insects, lizards and small birds for food.
* He can suck his thumb. Hell, he can suck YOUR thumb. He may try
for any promising target he can see as he peers balefully out
your navel, so make sure to wear garments that cover your midriff.
* He can hear your heartbeat, and it frustrates him. He may claw
and scrabble at your diaphragm trying to silence the organ. You
may wish to quiet him at such times with draughts of aqua regia.
QUESTION AND ANSWER: 'SHOULD I GET AN ULTRASOUND?'
The Dark Seed of Tssug the Many-Armed is gifted
with powers beyond our comprehension. It is
difficult for some mothers to understand that the
tiny being growing inside them will one day bring
wrack and ruin to all that is goodness and light
in the world. This lack of understanding can
lead some womb-slaves to make errors in judgment
regarding their nascent charges.
Some mothers, curious as to their child's progress,
choose to have an ultrasound examination conducted.
Know you, then, that whereas mundane infants do not
mind such scrutiny -- yea, may not even notice that
they are being observed -- be assured that the
Abomination-to-Be is aware of your pryings into what
it considers its inviolate domain. Its sense of
hearing carries well into the lower registers, and
the noise made by the probe shall alert it to your
unauthorized attentions. The last thing your OB/GYN
will ever see is that tiny face, bright and fierce
with the supernatural wisdom of the ages, turning to
face the careless one who dares disturb its musings,
then casually dispatching the unbeliever in a whiff
of ozone and brimstone. IA! IA! Bright Is The Light
That Burns In The Darkness!
PRECIOUS AND FEW ARE THE MOMENTS WE TWO CAN SHARE: Weeks 17-20
Congratulations! You have reached the midpoint of the accursed event. By
this point, most of the routine dangers of carrying a vicious horror to
term are passed; ahead lie only the routine dangers of expelling a vicious
horror from your body while aiming for the least chilling demise possible.
Many women look and feel radiant at this point in the pregnancy -- in part
because of improvements to skin and hair tone, but largely due to the
sexual component of the Abomination's blood magik. Accept as many lovers
as possible during this time; the Dark Seed of Tssug the Many-Armed has
many lusts to slake.
* Vernix, a white greasy substance, forms on the skin of the demonling.
This exudation makes the diabolical fetus slippery and difficult to
grasp; this will facilitate its escape into the air ducts upon its
eventual birthing.
* The darkling can now grip firmly with his hands -- a strangling
reflex that will serve him well in the years to come.
* Protective substances may be transferred to the impkin through your
blood to help him resist disease in the first weeks. This transference
is a two-way street; do not be alarmed if you suddenly experience
terrifying hallucinations or sudden drops in body temperature.
* The bones and teeth are now fully solidified, but the spurs and
horns are still soft and flexible.
* He is moving around quite a bit by now, and may even react to noises
outside the womb -- especially if they are rude or uncomplimentary.
Do not mock the Spawn of Tssug, Archon of the Blazing Skies!
QUESTION AND ANSWER: 'IS A LONG TRIP ADVISABLE?'
There is usually no reason to avoid travel during
these last few months of your miserable life. However,
there are certain adjustments you must make. First,
be sure to take breaks to stand up and stretch during
long car or plane trips; good circulation is vital to
keep your fetus active, and the Dark Seed of Tssug is
at his most dangerous when he is bored. Second, avoid
being scanned by metal detectors; your paranoid little
monster might interpret the searching beams as an
attack by the forces of Shakul and his shambling
minions. Finally, you should wear loose and
comfortable clothing that can easily conceal the
bruises and stigmata inflicted by the Abomination's
playful explorations of his new world.
You may at times feel urges to visit places you have
never been to, such as the icy wilderness of Antarctica
or some nameless ruins in Turkey. It is the will of
your Dark Spawn that speaks to you now, and failing
to heed that voice would be ill-advised. Cometh The
Long Night! IA! IA!
......
--
HWRNMNBSOL
due March 15