From: oberon@vcn.bc.ca (Doug Skrecky)
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: humorous cryonics survey
Date: 1 Dec 1997 11:11:26 GMT
Organization: Vancouver CommunityNet
Lines: 65
Message-ID: <65u60u$t08@milo.vcn.bc.ca>
X-Newsreader: TIN [UNIX 1.3 BETA-950824-16colors PL0]

    Of those who pass away each year, only about 0.0000000000001% choose
 to be frozen, instead of being fried in a hot oven, or becoming worm
 food. I found this to be a rather curious state of affairs, and I am sure
 there are many good reasons for virtually everyone electing the ashes to
 ashes, or back to the earth routes, instead of becoming a corspicle.
    This is a curiosity driven survey designed to investigate the main
 reasons why funeral homes get almost all of the meat of the death
 business, while cryonics companies are picking over the bones, as it
 were. I promise to post the results of the following survey on a regular
 basis, while I continue to recieve completed forms. Below is the form to
 be filled out. Just delete either the Y (Yes) or N (No), to indicate
 whether you agree or disagree with a given reason, and email the results
 to me at oberon@vcn.bc.ca.

 Y N  Actually I love the idea of becoming a corspicle when I die.
      (where do I sign up?)

    (If you answer Y to the above question, you do not need
            to fill out the rest of the form.)

 REASONS WHY I DO NOT CHOOSE CRYONICS (talk.bizarre)

 Y N  1. This is morbid and unpleasant. I don't want to think about
         dying, pervert.

 Y N  2. Dying only happens to others. I am too young to die.

 Y N  3. I am not a masochist. One life is hard enough, why would I
         want another?

 Y N  4. Cryonics is a joke. Frozen hamburger is all you are going
         to get. Why not fry it right away and get it over with?

 Y N  5. Only humorless eccentrics consider cryonics. Why would I
         want to join them, and lose all my warm hearted friends?

 Y N  6. If cryonics did work, I'd be revived without a friend in
         the world. No way, hose.

 Y N  7. Spending all your money on your own death arrangements is
         sinful. I'd rather give it to relatives, good causes, blow
         it on drinking, etc, etc.

 Y N  8. Cryonics costs money, and the IRS took all of mine.

 Y N  9. Although cryonics might work one day, the bozos running
         current cryonics companies are so incompetent that all
         are doomed to a premature financial thaw out.

 Y N  10. When I die I want to go to HEAVEN, not some frozen meat
          locker.

 Y N  11. Better dead than red. Corpsicles will only be revived to
          be someone's slave.

 Y N  12. I hate pain. Getting gutted, pumped full of goop and then
          frozen sounds even worse than a Friday night bender.

 Y N  13. Never given the matter any thought. (I think I'm happier
          for it too.)

 14. My other reasons are as follows: (10 gigabytes of storage here)