From: babs woods <babs@funhouse.com>
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Subject: FTSD: santa
Date: Sat, 02 Dec 2000 21:04:43 -0500
Organization: Our Lady Of Perpetual Mirth, Pacifica
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From: babs woods <babs@jfwhome.funhouse.com>
To: babs@funhouse.com
Subject: santa
Newsgroups: talk.bizarre
Organization: Our Lady Of Perpetual Mirth, Pacifica
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Date: Fri, 01 Dec 2000 20:22:36 -0500
Message-ID: <babs-7126AE.20223601122000@news.funhouse.com>



Santa, that perverted elf on steroids.  If he's an elf, why is he so big?
Is he really an elf?  He's a freak if he is an elf.  Who is he, really?
Was he adopted by the elves as one of their own long ago in the mists of
time, his true lineage simply never really known?  What does he do with
the rest of his year?  We've been told for years that he evidently spies
on children so he knows their behaviour all year long.  That's scary
stuff, to know he stalked us as kids and he and his minions are stalking
our kids.  He comes into kids' houses and what does he do?  Does he
touch those kids?!  I mean, just *why* is it he really goes only to
houses most likely to have kids?  Oh, I know what his PR people say, we
all know.  If he touches my kid I'll take his hand off!

I've got my double-barrelled shotgun ready and I'm standing by the kid's
bedroom doors listening for the clatter of roof damage by the hooves of
the reindeer-slaves he uses on his bizarre forays that one night of the
year, and listening for the cacaphony of bells on that sleigh thing he
has them drag all over the planet all night, as he perches it
precariously on my roof, and I'll be listening to his screams when he
comes down the chimney not expecting the spikes, knowing that he's NOT
touching my kid.  If he comes near us I'll blow his jolly head off.
Then the reindeer will be free and my offspring safe for another year.
I can sleep in the next day.  This is all worth the coal in my stocking
every year.